You probably think this song is about you
Friend's wedding Aug 22
I love how I look. I love seeing photos of me looking all small & fabulous. I have a hard time walking past a reflection (mirror, window, car hubcap) without checking me out. I love hearing compliments from people who haven't seen me in a while telling me how great I look, asking me what I did to lose the weight. Even more fun are the compliments from the people who don't have the guts to say that's why I look so great.
My 11 year HS Reunion from this weekend...
Two of those people did not go to HS with us.
Vanity.
All I think when I see this is...SKINNY!
I guess it's a sort of a fascination of seeing this new version of me. The version that I haven't really ever seen of me because even though I weighed less back in Jr. High, it was still a different version of me. This is the version who can rock the miniskirts and skinny jeans. This version wears makeup and heels. This version turns heads as she walks (even if it's only my own head I'm turning). And all this has perhaps raised the vanity level a wee bit.
Renaissance Faire last year (Robin Hood) and this year (...Link).
However this also influences how I look at older photos of myself. Cringing at the roundness of my face. Taking those photos out of the HS Reunion memory board which weren't flattering. Blanching at the thought that I actually went out looking like that. And almost feeling ashamed of being associated with that girl with the great personality who had a weight problem.
Yikes
Is this shallow? For someone who considers herself all accepting with no prejudices, I'm seeing in myself an awful lot of the shallow behavior I'd disassociated myself from for so long--even if the behavior is only towards my former rounder self.
I know it's all a part of the process, but I wonder how this will affect future Julia. I certainly don't want this to be a case of letting success get to my head--and I don't think I am or will be, but how should I be treating the relationship with my former and current self?
For those of you who have lost--what is it like seeing old photos? Do you find yourself feeling accomplished or feeling sorry for yourself? What about how you view your current self?
In the meantime I'll try working on reeling in my Over inflated Ego ;)
Until next time
3 comments:
I think it is really easy to look back and say, Wow... look at me I was HUGE, I was so fat...etc. But you have to remember where you came from and how you became overweight and the desperation that went along with it. You were and always will be Julia. Your body has changed.
And you look GREAT! : ) you should check yourself out... and appreciate how far you have come- but remember your old self and think of her/you nicely. I am sure you were always a great person! Inside and out!
You do look fabulous...a huge difference. I don't look very different yet, so I don't know what advice to offer other than try not to be too hard on your former self....you didn't know all that you know now. And that's ok.
You look so good! I really see the weight loss in your face especially.
So far, I feel lots of things when I look at pictures- mad and disappointed that I let myself get so big, and proud that I made it this far, scared that I'll go back, worried that I am becoming a vain monster.
It feels normal to me to think all these things at once, like it's part of the process.
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