Get mad

I don't get mad often. I've got a pretty even temper and laid back personality.

But sometimes that results in me swallowing emotions instead of releasing them and then they build up.

And they brew.

And they fester (great word isn't it?)

And then...

BOOM. Full fledged emotional demons come flooding out. Beware.

So this weekend was one of those weekends. I've been letting some stuff build up for weeks now, but I thought it had settled. I had a great week with lots of positive energy & great experiences (other than Monday's frustrating weigh in) and I was really looking forward to this weekend. On Friday however there was that change of tides.

First I encountered a series of rude people one right after the other who pissed me off first thing in the morning. After that it seemed everything started going wrong, but I tried not to let it get to me. I went out that night and had a great time and seemed to have recovered. Saturday I was very efficient in preparing for the wedding I had later that day, and even fit in a half hour run. It was tough, but I was happy I did it. The wedding though was a bit tough--between my friend who is post-breakup getting upset every time she heard "their" song, and being surrounded by couples while dealing with my own issues, and some other useless senseless drama which came up...my head was continuing to clog up with chaos.

To top everything off, yesterday's trip to the Ren Faire proved to put the icing on the cake and by the time I came home I was bubbling over with hurt, anger, and every emotion in between and it all came pouring out. In the privacy of my bedroom I just let everything release uninhibitedly and eventually settled down.

And then I ran. I couldn't eat anything and needed to do something, and I knew that pounding the pavement would be the only thing that was going to help. And it did. It wasn't just all jogging either--I actually ran. And I ran further than I ever have before. And it felt good. Sure I was tired. Sure I could barely breathe. Sure I had a cramp in my side which felt like it was ripping apart my organs. But I pushed and by the time I returned, I proudly collapsed on my couch in contented exhaustion.

I know this week is going to be a difficult week, but I'm planning on using that to my advantage. Channeling those emotions into my running--I feel strong physically and I think this will help me cope emotionally--plus it will help me reach my 50 lb mark on the scale which will also help my overly-emotional state.

Get mad. Since I can never have all parts of my life cooperating at the same time, I'm going to at least use adrenaline and endorphins to my advantage.

Tonight should be a good night on the scale because I was pretty good this week & did fit in lots of walks and a few runs. I don't know what the loss will be, but it should definitely be a loss. Hopefully after today my mood will start to calm down to it's normal tepid state.

Goals for the week:

• Run
• Lots of protein, healthy foods, fewer carbs (other than fruit)
  
• Track
• Water
• Distract myself
  
• Keep my 50lb goal in mind.

Until next time