Perspective

Perspective. I gotta remind myself to keep things in perspective.

So I started writing a post today with how frustrated I am that my progress seems so slow. I've lost 16.2 lbs in just over 2 months. I felt that the last time I joined Weight Watchers the weight was melting off, and that this time it feels like it's sneaking off...

And then I went back to my blog of June 2008. I had started WW on April 20, 2008, so June 25th was roughly the same time frame of my blog today.

And you know what...I had lost 16 lbs. And I was so thrilled by it!

I think the biggest difference between then and now, is I was already noticing changes in the way my clothes fit, in the way my body and face looks...I was starting at a much lower weight, so I think those pounds meant more...but still...it's the same 16 pounds.

This really does put a new perspective on where I am and how this process is going.

I do struggle with the fact that I'm not seeing more physical changes...my clothes are a little better fitting, but not everything. My face isn't quite as round, but not noticeably. Some days I feel strong and sexy, and other days I still feel flabby and disappointed. It's these things that get me hung up on my progress. But I also know I'm making major changes to my life that are meant to be permanent.

Perspective.

Here's some positives that I can celebrate.

• I started running again...well run/walking with the #c25k program. For the first time in more than 2 years I feel strong enough to throw in those intervals and keep going.
• I do have more energy overall--I'm not reliant on coffee in the mornings anymore, and I'm not as exhausted at the end of my long days on my feet.
• I have been tracking my food consistently!
• I have been getting a sh*t ton of activity points, often going out of my way to get to a goal
• I joined a gym to have someplace to workout when the weather sucks
• I'm cooking!! I don't cook. This is monumental.
• I'm craving the fresh healthy foods. I'm not even really tempted by the fatty junk food anymore...well at least not often. And when I do eat it, I'm eating less.
• I LOST 16 LBS!!! 
• And I'm still doing it! I haven't successfully stayed on plan since I first started so this is major. Two months later and I'm still going strong! Even if I'm in the turtle club :)

It goes to show what these small changes can really do. Consistency is key. For those of you out there who are struggling, let's do this. Keep it up. Keep going. Don't let little stumbling blocks stop you in your tracks. Just keep swimmin'. 

And keep perspective.

Workout weekend & annoying people

Well it's day 11 and I've been keeping up with my goals of working out & I've been trying to be really conscious about what I'm eating and I'm really proud of my progress.

Because my usual Monday meeting was canceled for Independence Day, I weighed in Friday morning. Unfortunately the scale went up a bit, but I wasn't discouraged because I know I'm working hard. Plus I went right to the gym after that.

Even though my official training for my half marathon is done, I'm continuing to do weekly runs with the group. Plus workouts. I ran four times this week which I'm pretty sure is a record for me, even in the best of my training. It helps to have the amazing group of girls I run with who help the time and miles pass.

At the gym I've discovered a new machine...I call it the in-line skating machine. I think it's called a floating elliptical or a sand-elliptical or something because it imitates the action of walking in sand (you know...where your foot sinks a little and you need an extra push to keep the momentum). I think it feels a lot like inline skating. Either way, it's a GREAT workout for my problem areas (abs, butt, thighs...chub-rub...). I have only been able to do 10-15 minutes on it but I can definitely feel it working where it needs to.

I also had a free personal training orientation at my gym. The stats weren't great, but he helped me develop a short routine which include a lot of weighted squats (since lunges are my nemesis), and even kettlebells. Yay. Low weights, high reps & I am good to go.

Since I'm currently working part time, I have two days off which I can devote to actually working out. No excuses. It's great. Of course the other half of the day I have to devote to job hunting, but it's a lot easier knowing that I have burned a ton of calories & am working towards my weight goal again.

Speaking of which, I had a really frustrating encounter with a really annoying old woman yesterday during my run. I parked to wait for my teammates and while I was waiting this woman pulled in the spot next to me. She asked for help to figure something out on her car, which then turned into a how-to session on Toyotas. Batty-old-lady syndrome aside, I was patient & friendly with her & then excused myself when my teammates got there to go run.

When I got back, I apparently made the mistake of spending a little extra time stretching & found the same woman coming back to her car. Before I realized she was there, she said hi, and almost immediately ruined my day by telling me in her thick european accent--"You know if you want to lose weight you should really cut out gluten" and proceeded to go into a whole explanation of why gluten is bad and I should go gluten free (which I was toying with the idea with anyway since I've been having some digestive issues, but that's totally besides the point).

WTF??!?!?!?

First of all, if I wanted to know, I would have asked. But I didn't.
Secondly, what is it to her what I look like? I obviously just came back from a run so I'm doing something rather than just sitting around wasting time.
And thirdly, mind your own business!!!

Most of all I got mad at myself afterwards for how I handled it which was to basically defend myself by saying how I already lost weight & am still working on it and that I love bread so it would be hard for me to eliminate it, and basically made excuses instead of just telling her to bugger off or something.

I mean up until that point, I felt really good about myself, my run, and my overall recent fitness. And within SECONDS I felt fat & sweaty and the insatiable need to hit something. Or eat something.

I've had these experiences before where people need to put their two cents in...often in a backhanded compliment kind of way. Like "oh you're so pretty, you just need to lose some weight". Why do people feel like they need to be helpful in a completely insulting way? My dad has been guilty of this too--saying things like "so how much weight have you lost...you better not put it back on!" or "those jeans look a little tight--are you still losing weight?" I know he's saying it to help me, but it just makes me feel like shit. Especially if I actually AM working to keep my diet under control.

And I'm never any good at handling it the right way other than to get defensive.
Have you ever had this type of backhanded compliment or "helpful" suggestion happen to you? How did it make you feel? How did you handle it?

Anyway-all I can do is keep plugging along and keep my goals in mind, keeping my blinders on. And avoiding little old ladies who drive Toyotas.

Until next time.

Results, recap & confession.

Let's start with the confession first. I honestly wasn't going to blog about this week's results. I thought about skipping it, using the "oh gosh it's been so busy" excuse...Or I thought maybe I'll just skim over it & post a blog about some other weight loss topic.

But seriously--what good is that going to do me?

So here it is, my results: I gained this week. I have no one to blame but myself of course. I gained 2lbs. Most of that was from the weekend. All week I did well with eating, but I didn't get in too much exercise & when it came to the weekend, I did not hold back much. So my goal of "not gaining in December"...FAIL. But I'm not losing hope. Motivation is a different story...

Recap:
Food goals: Increase water intake. Stay within daily points 3/7 days. Limit night time snacking to one (portion controlled) item. Keep meeting healthy guidelines. Plan meals, bring from home. Track 5 days.
Results: Water was o-kay. Stayed within points 2 days and only .5 over on a 3rd day. The nighttime snacking thing was fine after Monday...that is until the weekend hit. I underestimated points values and definitely overindulged in snacks instead of having real meals. Bringing meals from home was o-kay until the end of the week as I began to run out of food. I did have a great shrimp & orzo dinner one night. Saturday night I ate beforehand and was able to resist getting food at the restaurant I went to. I stuck to basic drinks (vodka tonic).
Exercise goals: Kicked ass last week--keep it up. At least 30 minutes moderate activity each day, 14 APs. Ice skating this weekend.
Results: Did not kick ass this week. Only had three days of activity and those were not as focused as they should have been. Did not get up early to work out at any point. Allowed evening plans to get in way of workouts at night. No ice skating.

Moral...I do not follow directions very well.
Lesson...I need to find some way of keeping myself on track when the going gets tough or when I get lazy. What's it gonna take? What's gonna be my wake up call?

I don't really know the answers, but if I"m gonna make it to goal, I need to figure these things out. This week's goals to come.

Until next time

Grr

7.4 lbs.

Gained.

That brings me back up to 189.

Grr.

Plan to follow.

Get mad

I don't get mad often. I've got a pretty even temper and laid back personality.

But sometimes that results in me swallowing emotions instead of releasing them and then they build up.

And they brew.

And they fester (great word isn't it?)

And then...

BOOM. Full fledged emotional demons come flooding out. Beware.

So this weekend was one of those weekends. I've been letting some stuff build up for weeks now, but I thought it had settled. I had a great week with lots of positive energy & great experiences (other than Monday's frustrating weigh in) and I was really looking forward to this weekend. On Friday however there was that change of tides.

First I encountered a series of rude people one right after the other who pissed me off first thing in the morning. After that it seemed everything started going wrong, but I tried not to let it get to me. I went out that night and had a great time and seemed to have recovered. Saturday I was very efficient in preparing for the wedding I had later that day, and even fit in a half hour run. It was tough, but I was happy I did it. The wedding though was a bit tough--between my friend who is post-breakup getting upset every time she heard "their" song, and being surrounded by couples while dealing with my own issues, and some other useless senseless drama which came up...my head was continuing to clog up with chaos.

To top everything off, yesterday's trip to the Ren Faire proved to put the icing on the cake and by the time I came home I was bubbling over with hurt, anger, and every emotion in between and it all came pouring out. In the privacy of my bedroom I just let everything release uninhibitedly and eventually settled down.

And then I ran. I couldn't eat anything and needed to do something, and I knew that pounding the pavement would be the only thing that was going to help. And it did. It wasn't just all jogging either--I actually ran. And I ran further than I ever have before. And it felt good. Sure I was tired. Sure I could barely breathe. Sure I had a cramp in my side which felt like it was ripping apart my organs. But I pushed and by the time I returned, I proudly collapsed on my couch in contented exhaustion.

I know this week is going to be a difficult week, but I'm planning on using that to my advantage. Channeling those emotions into my running--I feel strong physically and I think this will help me cope emotionally--plus it will help me reach my 50 lb mark on the scale which will also help my overly-emotional state.

Get mad. Since I can never have all parts of my life cooperating at the same time, I'm going to at least use adrenaline and endorphins to my advantage.

Tonight should be a good night on the scale because I was pretty good this week & did fit in lots of walks and a few runs. I don't know what the loss will be, but it should definitely be a loss. Hopefully after today my mood will start to calm down to it's normal tepid state.

Goals for the week:

• Run
• Lots of protein, healthy foods, fewer carbs (other than fruit)
  
• Track
• Water
• Distract myself
  
• Keep my 50lb goal in mind.

Until next time

Off plan & off my rocker

I hate holiday weekends.

Love the idea of them, hate what it does to my weight loss focus.

I'm two days back from Memorial Day/Birthday extravaganza weekend and I haven't tracked anything in well over a week and I keep putting it off. I also haven't really exercised since Friday. And my eating patterns have gotten lazy.

I keep saying I'm going to get back on the wagon, plan out my meals, plan out my week, get myself back on a schedule, but I keep making excuses.

Excuses? I thought this month was all about NO EXCUSES!!!???

It feels so much harder--like I've been doing this for so long and I need a break. But I don't want to give up all the work I've done so far! But each day brings up another obstacle. A dinner out, a rainy day, no real food in the fridge...I keep having to make these decisions and feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with it.

And it doesn't get any better this week: dinner at a friends' house tonight, dad's birthday dinner out friday night, weather's crappy, no time to go jogging anyway, long days of work to deal with and then no energy to work out at home...

To top it off, I didn't weigh in on Monday since it was a holiday...not knowing how I fared this weekend is killing me and I feel like it throws my whole week off.

Argh...

Until next time

Roughing it

I think this is one of the most difficult weeks staying OP as I've had since I started my WW journey in April. I don't know why.

Since this is my PMS week of ravenous-ness, I've already maxed out my weekly points, and it's not even the weekend. I have no motivation to exercise, and I haven't given myself the opportunity. Added on to the part about this week's gain, I feel like I've gotten myself in the black hole of points. I'm edging dangerously close to the 200 mark which I haven't been at in months.

I really don't want another gain this week--even though I know once this week is over with I'll be back to my normal motivated self, it just blows that I go through this once a month and can't seem to get a handle on it.

Well it turns out tonight I do not have a car (long annoying story) and will not be going to choir practice, so maybe I'll take the opportunity to work back some weekly activity points since I have a grand total of zero this week. Now, if I was really ambitious...I'd ride my bike.

HAHAHAHAHAHA....

Now THAT would be roughing it :)

At least I made myself laugh.

Until next time

Dear WW Message Board...

For anyone who posts on any discussion board I'm sure you see some of these things, but since I don't want to cause a ruckus on the site, I figured I would post this here.


Dear WW Message Board,

I would like to point out a few things that everyone should take into account when posting their messages of the trials and tribulations of weight loss.
1. I am a stickler for grammar and spelling. It may be a little prudish or OCD, but I need to get this out of my system. You lose weight, not loose weight. If your pants are loose that's fine, but your weight is never loose. Also curious, response, and the difference between breathe vs. breath. Plz tri and lurn how 2 spel.
2. Okay. I get it. You guys like the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. Do we have to have 234357257 posts about it? What is it? What is it like? How many APs do you burn? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!! Can we just have a FAQ on the Shred and what it does? What's the shred--GO HERE!
3. Please stop whining about how you're 125 lbs and still feel like you're fat. If you think those models whose bones are protruding from their skin are beautiful then you should not be here on Weight Watchers. You should be going to therapy for body image counseling. Most other people here are trying to seriously lose weight for their health and well being and will be ecstatic just getting close to their goal weight let alone below goal to make goal & lifetime. And if you think that a number on a scale is going to help you feel beautiful, then you've got some bigger issues to deal with.
4. On that same note, yes, the boards are there for people to support you and motivate you, but if you think posting your photos/website to get people to tell you - oh you look so thin, you look great, stop worrying...then again, you've got some bigger issues.
5. Daily points are there for you to EAT. If you're not eating your points you're going to slow your metabolism thinking it's going into starvation mode. USE THEM! And if you are complaining that you can't even use 19 points because it's too much food, HAVE A BLOODY ICE CREAM SUNDAE OR SOMETHING! You probably need it.
6. Can we please stop comparing points--Daily points, Activity Points, Weekly points...I dont' need to feel like a lazy bum thinking that my 14 activity points I'm aiming for this week is mediocre compared to the fact that you earned that in one day. That's great. You spent all your time at the gym today doing three classes and the treadmill. Fantastic. Can you walk?
7. WHO DRINKS 100 OUNCES OF WATER A DAY!?!?!?!? If I get in my reccommended 6 8oz glasses that's 48 oz. And I'm lucky if I get that in. 72, 80, 104? Are you hooked up to a fishtank or something?
8. TOM, DBF, DH, DD, AP, NSV-WTF??? How long does it take you to write out words?
9. Speaking of TOM. I know it's a part of your monthly life as a woman and your struggle to lose weight at that time dealing with cravings and cramps and all the fun stuff...but do you really have to post a whole thread about it? All I see is a running tally of TOM posts and Shred.
10. Other repetitive running topics: boys, dates, work, weather, over points, and general motivation & depression. I would think the boards would be better served asking questions about the program, sharing ideas, recipes etc. I really don't need to know that you're allergic to a certain brand of makeup and that your eyes now look like pink golf balls.
11. Stop freaking out about "Oh I ate this and it's going to ruin my diet" or "OMG I JUST HAD M&Ms" or best yet "I'm SO SCARED what the scale is going to say at weigh in!!" You really have to learn to accept your cravings and indulgences as part of the process. You're not going to make up for a week's worth of bad behavior in 2 hours and you're not going to gain five pounds for one day of bad eating (unless it's the same day or the day before). CALM DOWN.

In closing. I know I cannot change what will be posted on the boards, but for the consideration of others and MY SANITY, please take the time to reflect upon these points and think about what you're writing before you post.

Thank you,
Julia