Can I Love More to Love?

Being plus sized most of my life has created a very specific self image for myself. I have come to terms with the fact that not only will I never be labeled as skinny (except maybe by my relatives who are telling me I'm losing too much weight), but I don't think I really want to be. I enjoy the fact that I'm curvy. I've come to like the fact that I do stand out in a crowd because I'm usually taller and bigger, but I am perfectly happy to flaunt my curves and play up my size -- especially as I've become healthier and more confident in how I look.

Yes, I've had my moments like everyone where I felt ashamed of how I look or jealous of women who are thinner and can wear the smaller sizes, but as I've said I've come to terms with it, and my self-image has never really stopped me from doing anything I wanted to do (including skydiving!)

So now there is a new reality show on ABC called More to Love, a Bachelor-type show with plus sized contestants looking for love. I actually considered the possibility of auditioning when the casting call came through via my Lane Bryant emails which I still receive even though I am shrinking out of their sizes. However, the concept of the show made me a little wary of the portrayal of these fuller figured contestants and their lives and love. Although it was marketed to celebrate the average-sized American women size 14 and above, I felt it could possibly make a mockery of those who aren't your ideal television beauty.

I watched an episode from Tuesday night and I don't really know what to make of it. On one hand it is nice to see women of all different shapes and sizes make their mark on television history-and there are some beautiful and interesting women contestants, but by having their own show, it still segments them from the rest of the TV population (especially the dating-reality tv population).

My biggest problem with this show is that the women are either over-emotional, super-insecure, and highly obsessive (in regards to their desire to be the match for this bachelor-Luke) or they are overly confident, catty, and super aggressive. The latter I guess is expected and it's what makes reality shows dramatically entertaining for the masses. However, the fact that the majority of these women spend their camera-confessional time in tears because they are worried that their size, insecurities and inexperience are going to prevent them from allowing Luke to get to know them is just reinforcing the fact that people of larger sizes are unequal to those of smaller stature. There were only a couple of women who seemed truly comfortable in their skin and a little more grounded about the competition, and some of them even got kicked off already.

Fellow blogger Sarah posted about the show and was also on the fence. She mentioned the fact that many of the women seem to be so into him because he is paying even the slightest bit of attention to them. I bet the producers are getting a kick out of this.

And to watch the see-sawing of emotions that some of these women are seen with on camera is highly unsettling. One minute they're crying that they're too large for anyone to love them, telling us about how they've been cheated on because of their size or simply ignored because of their size and how they're desperately in love with Luke but will be crushed if he doesn't pay attention to them, and the next minute they're giddy because he talked to them or complimented them etc. and are convinced they're going to win the show and marry him because they're perfect for each other. All this after two days of knowing him.

So of course because it's somewhat intriguing I will continue to watch at least a few more episodes, but I still have mixed feelings about the show.

Has anyone else watched it? What are your thoughts?

Until next time

Clothes Craving: Jeans

Is it terrible to get a piece of clothing that I don't quite fit into yet?

Yesterday I found this amazing pair of Burberry jeans in a size 14 which I almost, but not quite fit into. They were either a skinny jean or a straight leg and were ridiculously on sale. I don't do brand names, but these made my legs look so amazing and if I worked at it I could probably get into them in another month.

I'm afraid if I don't get them, I won't find the style that I want, but is it stupid to get something that doesn't fit?

I'm seriously debating going back to get them. It might give me some motivation to get into that size 14. Argh. Not that I should be spending the money--especially on something that doesn't fit me! But oh how amazing will it be when I DO put them on and they fit!!?!

I think I just convinced myself...

Until next time

The little things that make it worth it

Picture this. It's Friday morning. I'm running late. And I have no idea what I'm wearing. Finally I decide on an outfit and am dressed, but figuring the weather, I decide I'll need a jacket of some sort. So I reach in the back of my closet for one of my favorite vintage finds, a dark green velvet blazer (which has been occasionally called a leprechaun jacket by the un-fashionable). I slip it on and it is looking a little baggy, so I close it...and button it.

Button it? I've never been able to button this jacket before!! I love this jacket, but the most I was ever able to close it was to suck in and close it enough so the ends of the material met. And I can button it now? Oh happy day :)

Ahahahaha--and to top things off, I (literally) just read my horoscope for today...
Something jumps out at you early today and reminds you of just how different your life is than it was just a short time ago. Most likely, you feel great about the change, but it's good to compare and contrast.

See - these things can come true :)

Until next time

Mondays should be outlawed

Especially Mondays after three-and a half-day weekends. I feel like lead right now.

It was totally worth it though :) A great 4th of July weekend with lots of walking, lots of shopping, lots of good friends, and lots of good food. Oh--and far too much alcohol. At least Saturday night. I must have had a whole bottle of wine by myself with friends. That may not bode well for tonight's weigh in.

However, I look at the picture that I posted on Friday of my fabulously slimmer figure and I smile, because I know despite some downs, this journey is mostly ups and it's working to my advantage-however slowly.

I have been holding off on clothes shopping for two reasons--one being lack of funds, two being the desire to hold out for smaller sizes & to use it to reward myself for my 10% progress. But this weekend, I couldn't wait any longer. Even though I haven't hit my 10%, I couldn't resist going shopping.

My first two purchases were at Target. I got a dress I've been eying for a while and I wanted to wear it in the city on the 4th. It was an adorable summer dress & with a wide bronze woven belt, it looked fabulous on me.

And at first there was only one left in a size too large, but I wanted it bad enough that I was thinking of taking it home & just temporarily altering it. But then I found a smaller size and I was so excited.


I also picked up a pair of really cute berry colored shorts.

I got them in a size that fit well & looked really good. But after wearing them all day on Saturday, they must have stretched because they are suddenly really big on me & I have to pull the drawstring tight for them to not ride really low. I probably won't bother getting them in a smaller size, but it was kind of cool that I am even having this issue.

The best part of the whole weekend was when my friend and I hit up the outlets up in the Poconos. My whole saving money thing went out the window & I got a ton of new shirts---and the best part was I was fitting into the smaller sizes! In a regular (not plus sized) store!!

In the Ann Taylor outlet, I tried on a bunch of skirts which looked great--all in a smaller size than I usually can wear & they weren't even tight! I couldn't decide on the skirts & ended up only buying a top & a dress from them (the dress looks awesome! and even though was more expensive, is multi-functional). I can't find a photo, but it's very flattering.

The other big purchase was at Calvin Klein. I've never gone into a CK store, I've never had the desire, I've never even thought of trying their clothes. $120 later, I walked out with a full bag from Calvin Klein. They don't go up to extra large, but all the large tops I got fit perfectly fine and they really looked good.

I even tried on some bikinis. And although i didn't get any, they didn't look as hideous as I thought they might. I'm not quite there yet, but on my way! :)

So even though it was a financial nightmare, my trip was quite a success. And now I'm more determined than ever to keep up the exercise to look good in my new outfits and to continue having these "amazing shopping" moments. I went for an invigorating 1 hr walk last night to kick that off.

Plus I cooked dinner for my friends last night & was a cooking genius! Especially with a recipe from the Hungry Girl Cookbook for these chocolate brownie muffins that were obscenely easy & soooooo yummy!!!! Paired them with some fruit & fat free cool whip & VOILA! Instant domestic goddess :)

Until next time!