Was I really this skinny?

About 5 years ago, this photo happened...

Today, those jeans are far from fitting and that shirt is buried at the bottom of a drawer and I'm pretty sure hasn't seen the light of day in this decade. Now I'm barely fitting into pants 3 sizes bigger.

But...I'm working on that. Not very efficiently...but I'm working on it. 

I decided to cancel my Weight Watchers membership because frankly, I wasn't using it. I wasn't weighing in or going to meetings, I wasn't logging anything, and any time a WW email came through, I cringed knowing that I was so far from following the plan, I didn't even want to see the email with suggestions of how to stay healthy.

But have no fear, I am working on it. I am working with a personal trainer at my gym. For real this time. I started in July...but once my vacation to Hawaii rolled around, my schedule went haywire and I never got back on track until this week. Which is not much of a track record...yet.

I don't know why I decided to look back, but instinct told me to go back to 2009 because it was my skinny year. It was before my epic 3 year relationship, and before my wonderfully completely different current relationship. Both which attributed to my weight gain. Not that it was their fault...no, it was entirely my doing. I put the food in my mouth. I stayed away from the gym. But the lifestyle is easy to adopt and various factors in each of those relationships created an environment which I was not (am not) strong enough to stand up to. 

2009 represented a time in my life where I had accomplished so much and was perfectly content with riding on those coat tails for far too long without continuing to push myself forward.

Well now I am. I am pushing. And it is pushing. It is not easy. Pushing against habits which have become so ingrained. It is work. It is something I'm absolutely terrible at.

But I have to keep pushing. Not only is my weight gain disrupting my wardrobe (I currently have no pants that fit me...hence a new fascination with skirts and dresses)...but it is affecting my health. Back pain, joint pain, foot pain, shortness of breath when I exert myself, nerve sensations when I sit a certain way, numbness from constricting blood vessels...I am terrified of a doctor checkup because of what test results may show. I know losing the weight may not fix everything, but I definitely know it will help. I don't remember having all these problems when I was heavier before I lost the weight, but I am definitely noticing them now. And five years older makes a difference too. 

I have to keep pushing.

I've said this in the past...I don't necessarily have a need to be *skinny*. I like being curvy. I like having a butt. I like filling out a dress. I like browsing in the "plus sized fashion" interest groups. But I am too heavy for my liking. I am unhealthy. That is an issue. 

Keep pushing. I'll tell myself that. Every day if I have to. Something to remind myself to make conscious decisions of how I am eating, how I am keeping active, how I am staying productive.

This may be a little of a disconnected post, but it was something I needed to do. To write. For myself. For accountability. For starting from scratch. And for forgiving myself.

Keep pushing Julia. You will get there.

New month, new post, new start...

It's November. One of my least favorite months...those late fall days when the colors fade as the leaves fall, when it gets dark earlier each day, any time it rains the cold & damp soak through to your bones...

In other words, it's depressing.

So I guess it's a bit contradictory that I'm choosing this time of year for a starting point for getting back on the weight-loss wagon.

So why am I doing it?
1. I can't fit in my clothes comfortably anymore...and not in the good way. (I've had to dig into the "fat" clothes box)
2. After accomplishing 2 half marathons this spring, I could barely finish a 5k last week
3. Rolls, handles and tires should be on a car (shh) ...not on me.
4. I. Feel. Like. Crap.
5. I'm paying $40 a month on Weight Watchers and $30 on a gym...and I'm broke. You do the math.

Tonight I went to Weight Watchers for the first time since July. In four months I gained almost 14 lbs. WHATTHEFLOCK?

I knew it was bad, but the number was shocking. All in all, I've gained close to 30 lbs...IN THE PAST YEAR. Again...WHATTHEFLOCK?? Every time I tried to restart my engines, my head, laziness, potato chips something gets in my way. And it's just gotten me further and further from my goal. But it's got to change. For my health, my sanity, and my overall well being.

I won't go into any more sob stories, but I am setting up the following goals:

• To blog weekly. My schedule probably won't allow daily posts, but I can certainly aim for 3x a week. When I first started at WW, this blog really helped to keep me motivated and to hold myself accountable. Since I'm starting from scratch, I am committing to blogging again. And speaking of starting from scratch...goal #2
  
• Go back to basics. Re-read the Weight Watchers materials, follow the weekly plans, and take it step by step. Set goals and reach them, and evaluate progress both good & bad.
• Put myself first. My health needs to be a priority. My daily choices need to reflect that, and I am in control of those choices. Figure out what I need to do to be successful (like planning ahead, scheduling exercise...) and then do them.
  
• Persistence, not perfection. This is something which came out of my meeting tonight. It struck a chord with me. Despite all my missteps along the way...I haven't completely given up. I am still trying. Which means that this persistence will pay off.

Hope there are still some of you out there...I could use your support more than ever!

Until next time

Stick to it...

That's what I find I have to keep telling myself. Just stick to it.

I skipped three weeks of weigh ins in January...some for good reason, others not so much. And now the scale is back up to 199.8 which is shameful.

I have been running--training runs on Saturdays and averaging one day during the week, but I think I've been taking that for granted when it comes to eating. And eating. And eating...

Anyway--at my meeting this week after my dismal weigh in, the topic was sticking to it.

Stick to it like a stamp

Making a plan and sticking to it. Asking yourself what went wrong in previous weeks and what can you do to improve it? My leader always invites us to come up with a couple of specific ideas of what we can do this coming week to improve our habits. Then she asks--"can you do it?" And more importantly "Will you do it?"

This is an important concept in the meetings because it holds us accountable to everyone who was there the previous week. If I say I need to improve my eating patterns by choosing more vegetables with my meal, she'll ask how many I'm willing to add. I'll give my answer (let's say one extra veggie per day) and she'll ask can I do it (of course) and will I do it? And I think to myself--sure, that's easy enough and I say yes I will.

I like this because it helps plan. It helps break down things into small manageable tasks and by saying "I can and I will" puts you in control.

My leader also mentioned referencing some of the Tools for Living such as an anchoring to refer to when you're struggling with stress or facing an eating challenge or deciding whether to go to the gym. The anchor is something tangible which you can keep with you to touch or look at to focus your mind or remind you of the inner strength you have. It could be your wedding ring, or a 5lb star or something else to bring your thoughts to something you have achieved or something that makes you happy. Again, it puts you in control of your thoughts and emotions to help you get through the situation. Another tool mentioned to help you out are Positive Self Talk

Looking back on the past few weeks I have been pretty lacksidaisical about sticking to the program. I haven't been tracking, I haven't been making great choices, and without the reinforcement of the meetings to keep me on track, I have let things go by the wayside. The only thing that has been consistent are my weekend runs. But certainly I can focus more and put more effort into this journey that is going on three years. Oy. It's hard to think about it in those terms, but sometimes it hits me how long it's taking me and where I was at this point last year or two years ago. But then again, where was I three years ago...30 lbs heavier...so I definitely can only keep moving forward. Stick to it.

So...this week, I need to focus. What is on my task list?

• Get back to tracking daily: with 3 month journal
  
• Increase weekly runs to 3 total: have running bag ready to go
• Increase water intake: have water bottle on hand (as per the inspirational Kenz from All the Weigh and her FFGF Challenge)

I have had a few things going for me this week...I got a couple of fitness DVDs which I have been using. One of them is kicking my booty into shape--I'll post reviews soon. I've had three solid days of workouts with another one set up for tomorrow. And I tried a new recipe for acorn squash (part of Kenz's week one challgenge)! ...stay tuned to find out more!

Until next time

Holiday Fat becomes a New Year of Fit

Okay--I'll admit it. I was a bad girl this holiday break (slap hand)...

Part of the reason was on December 20th I came down with a horrible cold, fever, cough, etc...which had me out of commission most of the break. I could barely breathe without coughing which gave me no motivation to go running...or getting out of bed/off the couch. And although I did not each much the first part of the week I was sick, I paid absolutely no attention to tracking what I was putting in my mouth.

At first that was fine, because again, I wasn't eating much, but as I got better I did not get back into my groove. I got back into the fridge. I may be exaggerating a bit. I wasn't completely out of control. But I really threw it all out the window and in combination with not exercising at all (save one ice skating session and one all night walk through NYC), I was feeling lethargic and sorry for myself most of the two weeks I was home.

Actually, I'm surprised I didn't gain more than 1.2 lbs. But it was a sad sight to see that number bordering so close to my first weigh in on the new program a month ago...199. Ugh.

Side note--for any of you Weight Watchers regulars, beware this next two weeks. I got to the center to find a line wrapped around the entire reception area of people looking to weigh in and register. Ah, January. Surprisingly the gym was pretty empty when I went afterward.

Anyway-Now that I've finally gotten out of the house and am stepping back into a normal routine, I am getting back into gear. Most of that is the fear of preparation for my upcoming training run with Team in Training (TNT). 6 miles!! 6 miles!!! I've never run 6 miles!!! I've barely run 4...so back into training I go...

For my nitty gritty training & workout log, check out my fitness blog: http://livetofittolive.blogspot.com/

I also finally invested in the Nike+ system and got a pair of compatible shoes & the Nike+ Sport package for my iPod. I wanted the bracelet system, but it's more expensive and less available. I have a complicated relationship with my iPod. I love it, but I hate the fact that I don't really have a computer capable of freely using it. So to use the Nike+ system for the iPod is a little frustrating because I don't have iTunes loaded on any of my computers at home or at work other than my old one in storage. Anyway--once I get it up and running it will be a great tool for me to track my progress and push myself to become a better runner. :)

Anyway--even though I didn't have the most productive of holiday breaks, I am looking forward to kicking off 2011 the right way!

Until next time

Blame it on the rain!

Okay, I can't blame it on the rain, but I gained 1.4 lbs this week. Not thrilled.

I can blame it on Sunday's post-theater feast of REALLY good Italian food, brownies, and a special appearance by the singing ice cream man...

I can blame it on the time of the month.

I can blame it on going over my points at the beginning of the week and then not regulating the rest of the week to make up for it.

But I won't. I will just move full steam ahead and keep doing all the GOOD things I've been doing this week. Like tracking & eating my healthy foods & exercising.

And I will try NOT to royally screw it up this weekend for the birthday celebrations...

Until next time

Has it really been three months?

Egad!

Well, the last three months have been nonstop insanity for me, and with that, my whole routine has gone out the window. Not to say I haven't been doing anything about my health, but any sense of normal has long disappeared.

So here is my update:
-Weight: Ugh. Not happy with where I am right now. I definitely have been slowly putting back on some of the weight I lost. On one hand, it could have been worse. On the other hand--shame on you Julia. I am now back up to 195.6. Last July I was down to 180. I have some work to do.
-Fitness: Although my fitness routine has gone on hiatus, I have been making some effort. February and March were fine. April I made it to the gym all of once--though I did get random exercise outdoors and through one major office upheaval. Which brings me to...
-Stress: With a big work event in March to get ready for, and then finding out we had to relocate our office the week afterward, followed by the transition of moving and trying to work around boxes and re-moving for the following month, my whole work life has been in a state of chaos. We moved to an office about 1/3 the size of our previous one and have had to eliminate and condense a lot of our supplies, files, etc. If I wasn't getting my cardio, I was sure getting in weight training! And after that that move came the stress with end of fiscal year events, responsibilities, and trying to fit everything in while not finding anything in our office. Additionally, I was stage managing for the spring production at my local theater and that went full throttle in April with rehearsals 4x/week. I go home exhausted and stressed and have resorted to old habits.

However there have been some good things as well:
-Accomplishments: Although I didn't train for it...at all, on May 2nd, I completed the Pittsburgh Half Marathon!! It was awesome & I am very proud of it. I will blog about it soon.
-Steps in the right direction: After two months, I finally made it back to Weight Watchers this week. I am basically starting from scratch, not taking anything for granted in regards to my eating habits and trusting myself to naturally eat the right things--I've started tracking again, getting in my healthy foods, looking at portion sizes, and I made it to the gym last night (as opposed to Tuesday night when I had planned).
-I've am about three months into a new, but long-distance relationship (yes, I realize the time frame...) with a really great guy and he's been making me very happy.
-In 9 days I will be turning 30!! Celebrations galore!!

Challenges:
-Schedule: I still have this massively insane schedule, especially with Josh (the boy) coming into visit next week for my birthday, and another few weeks of work insanity, and we're STILL moving boxes!!
-Funds: I'm pretty broke these days--or at least trying really hard to conserve money for bills I have to pay and expenses that will be happening in the next few months & it stresses me out--additionally I still am trying to make my health a priority so that healthy food shopping is going to have to outweigh some other expenditures. Yikes.
-Spring celebrations--birthdays, graduations, babies, weddings (I have 3 weekends straight of weddings in July). Those are all going to be challenges for me to keep on track.

Goals:
We all know I'm absolutely terrible with setting goals & sticking to the program to achieve them, but I'm still trying.
-One 5k per month. I already have one in June I'm planning on. I want to find ones for the rest of the summer which shouldn't be too difficult. I think the half marathon counts for May. I'd like to work my way up to running again consistently.
-Get back down to 180 by Labor Day weekend. Then work towards my lifetime goal.
-Have no regrets. Sure I screwed up and let myself get off track. But in my mind, I needed that reality check to remember that this isn't something that comes easy and my health isn't something to take for granted. There's no sense in wasting time on the "I should haves..." Instead, I pick myself up & keep going.

Well, that was a long update, I miss connecting with my fellow bloggers and I intend on updating more frequently and returning back to you guys for the inspiration and support that has worked so often in the past.

Until next time!

I'm back...

she said sheepishly.

I haven't been a very good blogger. Nor have I been a very good healther. (Seriously the only the word I can think of at the end of the day).

Happy New Year by the way!

Let me quickly recap the last month. My last post was December 15th after a gain at weigh in. Well that was dumb, letting myself gain after all my goals and progress in getting back on track. And instead of getting back on the wagon, I drove the wagon off a cliff. So after three weeks, too many cupcakes and not remotely enough exercise, I have gained another 4.4 lbs, putting me way back up at 194.6. This week last year I was 196.8. I have managed in one year to lose exactly 2.2 lbs. Pardon my language but WHAT THE DUCK?

Seriously. What the hell happened in the past few months that I completely undid all the hard work I did this year??? Why can't I seem to stick to the plan anymore? Why am I so out of control with food? Why can't I live up to my own goals and expectations?

Well it was an odd year. Literally. I do much better in even numbered years, and 2009 was not my favorite. Sure, lots of great things happened, but there was some definite obstacles, mentally, physically, emotionally etc that I let get in my way.

I am determined that with the fresh year comes a fresh start and a fresh state of mind. I start this year over, not looking back except to learn from my mistakes. I start this year focused. With a plan, and the will to stick to it.

I spent my winter break inside. With food. I even made food in order to binge on it (cupcakes are my new enemy). What's worse was as I sat there, in front of my computer, listlessly watching movies and entire TV series, with my only exercise being trips to the fridge or the bathroom, all I did was feel sorry for myself. Good grief, I didn't even read any blogs as I avoided the reality of what I was doing to myself. All I did was remorse that I was allowing myself to revert to all my bad habits I'd lived with until I joined Weight Watchers. But I did nothing. I let it get worse. And now I'm starting from scratch.

Starting from scratch is fine though. I'm okay with that. It means leaving behind an old frame of mind to move forward. Learn from the past and emerging stronger.

I'm back, and watch out world, I'll be better than ever. This year, 2010, WILL be the year I take charge of my life.

Now I'm going to catch up on your blogs :)

Stay strong my friends.

Until next time

Results, recap & confession.

Let's start with the confession first. I honestly wasn't going to blog about this week's results. I thought about skipping it, using the "oh gosh it's been so busy" excuse...Or I thought maybe I'll just skim over it & post a blog about some other weight loss topic.

But seriously--what good is that going to do me?

So here it is, my results: I gained this week. I have no one to blame but myself of course. I gained 2lbs. Most of that was from the weekend. All week I did well with eating, but I didn't get in too much exercise & when it came to the weekend, I did not hold back much. So my goal of "not gaining in December"...FAIL. But I'm not losing hope. Motivation is a different story...

Recap:
Food goals: Increase water intake. Stay within daily points 3/7 days. Limit night time snacking to one (portion controlled) item. Keep meeting healthy guidelines. Plan meals, bring from home. Track 5 days.
Results: Water was o-kay. Stayed within points 2 days and only .5 over on a 3rd day. The nighttime snacking thing was fine after Monday...that is until the weekend hit. I underestimated points values and definitely overindulged in snacks instead of having real meals. Bringing meals from home was o-kay until the end of the week as I began to run out of food. I did have a great shrimp & orzo dinner one night. Saturday night I ate beforehand and was able to resist getting food at the restaurant I went to. I stuck to basic drinks (vodka tonic).
Exercise goals: Kicked ass last week--keep it up. At least 30 minutes moderate activity each day, 14 APs. Ice skating this weekend.
Results: Did not kick ass this week. Only had three days of activity and those were not as focused as they should have been. Did not get up early to work out at any point. Allowed evening plans to get in way of workouts at night. No ice skating.

Moral...I do not follow directions very well.
Lesson...I need to find some way of keeping myself on track when the going gets tough or when I get lazy. What's it gonna take? What's gonna be my wake up call?

I don't really know the answers, but if I"m gonna make it to goal, I need to figure these things out. This week's goals to come.

Until next time

Swinging into December!

Okay so last night's weigh in was another disappointment, but I have no one to blame but myself. I gained another 0.6 lbs. Expected, but still not a good feeling as it was the 3rd week in a row that I gained. But--it's a new week and a new month, and I'm already making strides to change that.

My bad mood didn't last long because I went to Swing Dancing immediately afterward and you really can't be in a bad mood while swing dancing. Then I went home & made a decent dinner & despite going over by 3 pts, I felt energized. I sat & crocheted while watching TV and wasn't tempted to binge, though I did have some baked tostitos and salsa (only 2pts).

Plan for week:
Food goals: Stay within daily points as much as possible. Eat from home as much whenever possible. Get in 8 Healthy Guidelines as much as possible (especially liquids!!). Track 5 out of 7 days.
Challenges: Wednesday night out--will need to grab food
Thursday pizza @ work event
Saturday night-post concert food & drinks
Being at home Tuesday night/Friday night/Sunday evening
Exercise goals: 14 APs (avg 2pts/30 min moderate activity per day). 6 days Cardio, 2 days strength.
Challenges: Should have time for at least 30 min all days. Thursday will be a challenge because of a work event, but I still want to try to fit in at least 20 min walk or 10 min stairs late afternoon. Saturday I have a bunch of stuff going on, but will fit in a long run/walk & some strength training. Sunday will be a rest day, but if the weather is reasonably nice, I want to get outside for something. Other days--no excuses.

I kicked off the week of activity with swing dancing last night (2pts), a walk/run this morning (2pts), a Biggest Loser workout (3pts), and a lunchtime walk (1pt)...8 APs already? And it's only Tuesday?? But I'm energized and I'm keeping this up as long as possible.

Until Next Time

Craving high point foods??

Hey folks--well this week's weigh in was a little disappointing. I went up again. I blame it on Mondays, jeans, eating before my meeting and being dehydrated.

Of course I really should blame it on using most of my weekly points and not getting enough exercise...but I won't. It wasn't a bad week food-wise, and I had hoped that it would show on the scale, but towards the end of the week I could have done better.

This week has been just as bad so far. I'm not necessarily over-indulging, but I am eating meals that use up a lot of points. For instance...I've been craving bagels lately. So instead of doing the 6pt bagel, I went to the store and got Peppridge Farm's whole grain bagels. They are 4 pts. And I got Philly reduced fat cream cheese in Onion & Chive. It was delicious. But it was 6pts. For breakfast. And on top of that I had an apple for another point. That didn't leave me much for the rest of the day--and although my lunch wasn't that bad, things kept adding up. And I brought an afternoon snack of yogurt & another apple. And dinner was homemade soup.

By the way I made soup. It was fun. But I'll get back to that in a bit.

And by the time I went through dinner, I was so far beyond my daily points, but everything I ate was healthy! I wasn't snacking on potato chips and chocolate. And today was no better. Breakfast was yogurt, flax seed & banana. Fine. But lunch was soup (3pts), and a darned greek salad. That stuff adds up. And now I only have 7pts left for the rest of the day. I mean, yes, I can have a meal for that, but I have to be careful (especially since I have barely any weeklies left and it's only Wednesday!!)

It's not like I'm not trying, but everything just keeps adding up. I'm not eating large portions, I'm for the most part staying away from junk, but somehow those points just multiply. It's frustrating because I thought I finally on the right track. I have to combat it with exercise I guess.

I did go swing dancing Monday and I finally felt like I was getting a workout! It was fun. Things are picking up :)

Oh right, the soup. I joined my friend in some soupmaking fun last night & we made this fantastic and technically simple root vegetable soup. Potatoes, turnips, yucca, squash...I have no idea what else, but it was really good. And very filling. We also made a Portuguese Cocina which turned out basically like a chicken noodle soup--with chorizo and meatballs (turkey). It was good--felt like it was missing something, but it was pretty simple anyway.

So I'm continuing with my cooking experiments and enjoying every minute of it. I hope to bake another banana bread and maybe a pumpkin bread this weekend in between painting my kitchen. Actually, maybe not such a brilliant idea. Maybe I'll use mom's kitchen :)

Still trying to fit in more exercise...as usual. And I've been feeling very drained. I have been letting these gorgeous fall mornings pass me by without taking advantage of it to be able to sleep in, and when I get home at night, I crash. I did go for a walk today... and added some dancing to that walk, which I'm sure was quite entertaining to passers by. And I'm a little inspired by Rebecca who has been working so hard and got noticed by a Personal Trainer at the gym who was impressed by her progress! Her reaction to her workout being interrupted was priceless. :)

Alright--enough Julia. Let's get to it!

Until next time

The damage

Weighed in last night. I specifically went to a meeting a little further than me so I could have my regular leader. I needed her support. Even though having someone new every once in a while provides a fresh outlook, but I needed my leader to be able to sit through this meeting, accept my fate on the scale and move on.

It was a good meeting, but I didn't get to really talk to her afterward like I wanted to because others went up to her first and there was a big crowd and I didn't feel like waiting. I figure I can talk to her on Monday when I am at my regular meeting. I was unexpectedly a little upset though as I left because I felt like I needed her to encourage me and help me figure out why I've been putting up these obstacles and roadblocks for myself. I mean, I guess I know all of this already, but I needed to hear it from her.

Anyway--the damage: 4.6 lbs. That brings me back up to 190.4

Ugh. I didn't think I'd ever have to see that number again. But I'm glad I did because it was the final alarm of my wake up call that I've been hitting snooze on for a while.

I did this. But I can do something about it. I choose to change.

I started by hitting up the grocery store right after the meeting and stocked up on the good stuff--fruits & veggies, yogurt, hummus & pretzels--all my favorite fresh foods. My feel good foods.

And when I got home, I was super hungry. I could have gone to the freezer for those Holey Donuts that had arrived the day before and that I had binged on for no good reason. Only 4pts apiece but BOY do they add up. Instead I opted for health.

Actually I ate quite a bit--but I didn't even use all my points! Pretzels & Hummus (portioned out instead of right out of the container), turkey wrap w/FF cheese & cucumbers, greek yogurt w/high fiber cereal, and an apple. All of that was 12.5 points. I had a relatively low point lunch (and no breakfast), so I had quite a bit of points left for the day. But it was satisfying both in hunger and knowing that I made great choices.

Tonight I probably won't get to eat dinner because I am going straight from work to an event to rehearsal, but I have a hearty lunch planned, and snacks for later to keep me from getting too hungry and then binging later.

I feel refreshed from all this. I am still disappointed for letting myself get this far off track, but I am moving forward and am ready for the change.

My horoscope even tells me so:

Sharper than ever, your vision will be able to show you what changes you must make.

The stars always tell it like it is :)

Until next time

From high to low

Last week I was all about trying new things.

This week I'm all about comfort. I had a strange and mercurial weekend and now I'm craving comfort. It's cold and I want to be warm, it's grey and I want it to be sunny. I have a lot to do and all I want to do is be home and sleep. (Apparently it's also opposite week.)

Quick update: Weigh in this week was a gain--another 3 lb gain to be exact. I'm not happy about it, but it's not entirely a surprise. I don't think it's permanent. For one, I think I'm not drinking enough water. Second, I actually had a ton of exercise this weekend--a lot of walking, running, and dancing. But all of that came at the end of the week and because I wasn't drinking enough water, I figure it had a negative effect on the scale. And third, I went to a wedding on Sunday which I didn't really overdo anything, but the sheer fact is I had minimal control over what I was being served--just pick and choose carefully. Other factors--winter clothing (I was cold all day & had on more layers than normal) and a heavier lunch than I usually have on Mondays. Yes, these may be excuses but a 3 lb gain is a lot in one week, and I was pretty on track for the most part, so I'm attributing it to other factors. We'll see what the scale says next week.

Quinoa update: It was really good & really easy. I cooked the Quinoa plain with just water & salt, then combined it with baby spinach, broiled shitake mushrooms (marinated in oil & vinegar), feta cheese, and I added some dried cranberries for some more flavor. The quinoa was my favorite part--the rest of the salad was lacking something. But it was easy, and I suppose I would make it again, maybe add a bit more.

Swing update: Went again to Swing class last night. I enjoyed it more--there were two HS kids there who were learning & they seemed to liven it up a little more. When I switched to have him as a partner, it was more energetic & I actually felt like I was swinging. I'm going to miss next Monday because of my play rehearsal, but I definitely want to go back. They seem to run in 4 week cycles, so I hope they continue the class. I hope they get more people for the class (men!) and a slightly younger crowd.

Plan update: I think this next couple weeks is going to be a struggle for me--my show opens up next Thursday and whenever this happens, I end up having no time to think about anything, no time to work out, no time to plan meals, etc. Not to say I'm not going to try, but it becomes that much harder when I'm running straight from work to rehearsal & then I'm exhausted to do anything when I get home. So I'll be happy just to maintain through the week after the show.

So this week I'm going to stick to being comfortable, and just sticking to routine. I just need to get through this next two weeks. Although maybe I'll try some low-point versions of comfort food like mac & cheese or something. The only thing I have to watch out for is tomorrow night going out to eat w/friends, and watching that those comfort foods don't get too comfortable.

And then maybe after all of this my lows will only be showing on the scale.

Until next time.

Grr

7.4 lbs.

Gained.

That brings me back up to 189.

Grr.

Plan to follow.

Tuesday ramblings & goals

For the record I began writing yesterday's post in a humorous light and it turned out a little more self-evaluating and criticizing than I had meant it, but it's still one aspect of the weight loss process which I felt worth mentioning. Thanks for the comments though. I certainly do feel that I am the same person inside, if anything I feel I am stronger and more confident...I just truly enjoy the sight of the new me :)

Well last night's weigh in wasn't all that surprising. With a 1.4 lb gain, I am back to 49 lbs. I did okay this week, but I knew that 3.8 lb loss was too good to be true. However, I can totally do 1lb this week if I put my mind to it. And with the gorgeous (if somewhat cool) weather, there's no reason not to take my evening runs seriously.

I added a couple of goals to my list on the right. One is a biggie-Combat useless eating. That includes the following: nighttime snacking, boredom eating, un-portioned snacking, eating without being hungry, finishing food without wanting it...and the list goes on.

Obviously this is a pretty big feat because it's one of my worst habits, and it's something that requires some major commitment, focus, discipline and self-awareness. And if it were so easy, I wouldn't have written about it oh so many times. But as I get closer to my goal weight, I am starting to look more not just at what I eat, but how and why I eat. I am perfectly capable now to eat half a portion at a restaurant without wanting the rest, drinking enough water, avoiding creamy or fried foods, getting in my healthy guidelines of fruits, veggies, whole grains, etc. But it's those old eating habits that keep getting in the way.

The other goals I added are really just for fun--and they're activities that either I've never been able to do or haven't been able to do in ages. I want to do a handstand, and a cartwheel. And I want to do them well. Bringing out my inner child is very important to me, and I think a sense of accomplishment for having done something that I wouldn't even have dared to do 50 lbs heavier. A slight sense of fear of actually doing these activities makes it all the more worthwhile and exhilarating. I also want to teach myself how to hula hoop and I want to be able to do one of those 'hop over the fence/side of a convertible' things (like they do in the movies). But I'll get around to those. Oh--and swing dancing. Maybe I should add a separate section for "Feats of Strength" goals...

September is a fresh start to a new season, and I have a good feeling that it will be a good time for my own fresh start.

Until next time

Back in...

...the Saddle
(That could totally be me...if...I rode...horses)

Good Afternoon to all you lovely friends of the blogosphere! I hope you're enjoying your day. I certainly am. I spent my morning at Bloomingdales...for work. Could it get any better?

Okay--back to the topic at hand. I am back in the clichéd saddle. I finally went running last night and it felt great. After 45 days of not doing any exerted exercise other than walking, I finally just got up and did it. And granted I probably should have started off a little slower than I did (I ran most of the 2.5 miles), I pushed through some of my usual struggles including breathing issues, side cramps and leg fatigue and I did it. And I'm going to do it again tonight. Even with the heat during the day, it cooled down nicely by 9pm and it was perfect for running. Plus my apartment was a sauna so it was actually nicer to be outside.

My energy level was high yesterday--and I was ready to take full advantage of it. If that wasn't enough, my meeting last night was another driving factor--both positive and negative.

Negative first.
I had another gain. It was only .4 lbs, but being that this was the 3rd week in a row I've gained (which has not happened to me ever since I started WW), it was a slap in the face. I need to start making changes. I can't skirt by as I'd been doing for a while with the bare minimum expecting to see results. I won't go into details about the negatives of last week because I don't want to dwell on them*. Moving forward...

The positives:
The meeting topic was about getting off track. My leader specifically talked about Plateaus, but it was entirely appropriate to what I've been going through the past few weeks--addressing why you aren't losing weight. Lack of focus, getting sloppy, monotony etc. I don't know if it necessarily enlightened me on anything, but it did reinforce the fact that I need to take control of this before it gets out of hand.

Even more helpful was after the meeting, my leader came up to ask how I was doing & we started talking about helping me get back on track. Just talking about it seemed to get me back in the momentum. AND one of my fellow meeting members came up and asked me about how I lost my weight. I have to admit I probably was a bit of a Debbie Downer because I was still a bit cranky about gaining, but I tried to give her some of my tips (basically everything that I wasn't doing for the past month). Next week I plan on being a little more helpful to her. So all of this, plus the fact that I felt like I was finally getting my head together to get back on track really helped to motivate me and give me back that positive spirit I'd been missing.

Looking back...
Even though last week didn't go as well as I'd hoped, there were some positive improvements:

• I tracked...most** of my food--on WW.com and in my work planner
• I brought my lunch every day. Home made is always better.
• I walked at lunch during the nicer days. Hey it was a start right?
• I hydrated! Boy did I ever. Bathroom trips were frequent.
• I limited TV, at least at the beginning of the week. I didn't necessarily take that time to do something productive, but even going to bed was better than sitting there mindlessly.
• I did not drink unnecessary alcohol--only on the weekend at two parties--and that was also limited.
• I started practicing a new habit (mentioned at Losing My Thighs) of putting my food down between bites to be able to savor the taste and slow down eating. When I am conscious of it and practice it, it actually works! It makes food last longer too. Point in case-my chocolate chip cookie is only 1/2 eaten 10 minutes after I started it! Chances are I won't be wanting a 2nd one.
  
• Even though I had a rough week last week, my obsessive blog-browsing got me psyched again for moving in the right direction.

*Note to self-don't fall for two-for-one deals on snacks. Like Goldfish. They're evil.
** Most of my food...weekends still tend to get lost in the shuffle. Don't know if I'll ever get past that.

So here's to a fresh week of conscious efforts to get back in the saddle and keep on riding!
Until next time

On the Plus side...and cravings

So my weigh in last night was as expected--a gain of 1lb. I suppose it could have been worse--it is PMS week. And I feel a lot more bloated than 1lb.

But on the plus side, I finally went food shopping last night. I stocked up on lots of fruits and some veggies (the selection was miserable of good vegetables). I made sure I got plenty of stuff for lunch as well as some healthy snacks like pretzels, Fiber One bars & Jello (Fat Free, Sugar-Free) pudding (especially after seeing a couple of recipe ideas).

A full fridge makes me happy--it's stressful having to try to make healthy food decisions if there aren't the options available, forcing me to spend more money buying a meal, or attempting to make a meal from unsatisfying foods and inevitably eating more.

My only disappointment was that I have been craving pizza and I was determined to make a homemade pizza on a pre-made whole-wheat crust (I hear Boboli makes a good one) and loading it up with veggies & reduced fat cheese. However the supermarket didn't have any option to do that. The frozen pizzas were all pre-made and the store-brand pizza crust just turned me off. So now that I have all the ingredients BUT the crust, I'll try to visit another store this week & finally make my pizza.

Last night's meeting actually talked about cravings--what they mean, how to control them, etc. Of course it did nothing but make me hungry as people mentioned their cravings (chips, chocolate, bbq ribs...) and how they satisfy them either with the real thing or a substitute. But it did make me think about my own cravings. As I've said often, most of my cravings come when I'm bored--home in front of the TV and I feel like I need something to eat. It's then I usually crave some kind of crunchy food--whether salty like chips or sweet like cookies, I need something to crunch.

I have never been one to deny a craving--I feel like if I'm craving it, my body needs it. Okay--so that involves a little rationalization because I'm sure my body doesn't need high-fructose corn syrup or deep fryed anything. But the basic texture and flavor of the foods-salty, crunchy, sugary, milky...I think those are things that the body is telling you it needs whether to combat a food deficiency or to handle an emotion. So I am usually the one giving into the craving, saying that I'll just cut back somewhere else. But of course I don't and I end up getting myself in trouble on the scale.

So what can I do? Our leader's answers were "Distract it, Fake it, Feed it, Dig Deeper, Get to the root of the emotion." I've definitely done the first three. Distracted it by doing something else, Faked it by substituting something that will have the same effect, and Fed it with a portion-controlled size of it. But I've never really digged deeper or asked myself why am I craving it and what does it mean? I guess it's a version of Distracting it, but will it help?

Anyway--this is a long post and I'm rambling so let me know your thoughts on cravings. What foods do you crave most often? When do you crave them? Do you feed them or do you do something else to help you stay on track?

Until next time

Gaining momentum

This week's weigh in did end up with a 1lb gain. I was okay with that. Although in the back of my mind I was secretly hoping that I had somehow magically figured out the perfect balance of indulgence and health to possibly see a loss, I knew reality was going to tell me otherwise.

And honestly for all the eating and the minimal activity I did, 1lb isn't all that bad.

Since then I've been working on getting back to normal eating habits. During the day (due to my limited cash flow) I've been sticking with food brought from home--sandwiches and a veggie. Plus cereal for breakfast. Monday's dinner was homemade (really good salmon...honey & wasabi glaze along with rice & veggies), but I indulged in some Low Fat Frozen yogurt to go over my dailies and into my weekly points.

Last night's dinner was also really good although we ate out at one of my favorite mexican restaurants. The appetizer portion Chicken Quesadilla and a Tropical salad with mango & peppers (minimal dressing) were the good choices. The frozen margarita, tortilla chips and two out of four fried plantains which came w/my salad were the not so good choices. Actually the only one I really should have passed on was the margarita because of course it was empty calories. And out of the weekly points I used, that was more than half. At least I didn't get dessert or any movie candy. At home I just had a glass of milk (okay--so it was chocolate milk--FF syrup though!) before I went to bed.

I do need to go food shopping because my choices are getting very limited at home, and I have absolutely no fresh fruits or veggies. I've managed to have frozen veggies that I'll pre-cook and bring to work, but I'm really missing the fruit.

As for exercise, it's been so hot & humid and although I've gone out for walks at lunch, I definitely am slacking on the fitness bandwagon. Tonight I have free to run, but it's supposed to rain. It's supposedly going to cool off a bit though, so maybe an early morning run tomorrow.

It's been interesting getting back into the groove--I spent much of yesterday looking at WW articles online to see if anything caught my eye to help motivate me. I think I'm going to revisit some of those Motivating strategies (Tools for Living) and give myself a kick in the butt.

One thing I am going to be working towards is looking and feeling good for my 11 year HS reunion/happy hour at the end of the month. Yes, 11 year. Our class was a little slow on the planning...at least it's better than the 12 year which the class before us will be celebrating with us. Anyway--my point is I have something to move towards. I certainly want to hit the 50 lb mark (SO CLOSE!) before then, but more importantly I want to feel good for it. And I already have a dress to look smashing in!!

Until next time

Boot Camp Days Three, Four, Five

Okay, I've been slacking. The drill sergeant hasn't checked up on me lately & I've been hiding out.

I won't give exact details about the past two days, just a summary...

Wednesday: I as pretty good managing my meals, but didn't plan ahead of time. Went a little over my points in the evening. Not too bad. Only got in 15 minutes of activity--a quick, brisk lunchtime walk. Nothing in the evening.

Thursday: Another unplanned day--not quite as good. Tried to keep points low, but by the end of lunch I had barely gotten any healthy guidelines in. Dinner I craved sushi and I needed veggies. Yum--hit the spot, helped on bulking up my veggie count. Only exercise was walking around a school taking photos and squats to get down to take photos of little kids. Maybe 1 point. Felt really drained all day, especially afternoon. Intended a walk in the evening, but rain (AGAIN!) stopped me and I wimped out of a DVD.

Today: Started good--egg beaters & spinach sandwich at home + coffee. Lunch will be healthy too--half turkey sand & veggies. Dinner is still up in the air. Raining again--no lunchtime walk. Need to get alternative cardio in.

Tales from the scale: Yesterday I decided I needed to go weigh in. I missed last week because of memorial day & then a busy week. I missed this Monday because of my schedule. I know I gained, but I needed to see what the damage was, so I went last night. 2.8 lbs. A little scary, but not as bad as it could have been. (I was expecting anywhere from 2-5 lbs). I needed it so I could assess what I needed to do to bring it down. It would have been a lot worse for me to go to next week's meeting for that surprise. So while I'm not happy about it--I'm taking the opportunity to make an appointment with the drill sergeant and let him whip me back into shape.

Tomorrow's supposed to kick off a great weekend weather-wise, so I'm going to be hitting the trails for a run, and kick my workouts back into gear. Time to get tough.

Until next time

Weigh in blues

Last night's weigh in and meeting were a little tough for me for some reason.

I lost .6 lbs. Of course I'm happy that I lost, but after last week's gain, I was assuming it would be more of a loss since it was my normal time of the month to gain. And I knew I would have gained a bit from my hell week, but again, I thought this week would have been a bigger loss. That means I had gained 2 lbs from when I saw the glimmer of the 180s two weeks ago.

When I saw that I was definitely bummed. I guess it is a wake up call for how easily I can slip back into old habits.

But this is why I like the meetings. The topic was "Take Control"--of your internal and external environments...ways to manage your feelings, ways to manage your environment. I brought up the fact that I was struggling with my eating right now and it turned into an "about me" session. Hey--I could use one every now & again. I didn't mean it to be, but I think I needed to put this on the table for my own benefit. I've tried to be so strong through this and recently I've been feeling really vulnerable, really out of control with how I manage my food. So to talk about it made me think about it and is now making me asses what needs to be done.

Granted yesterday I went home and snacked on pretzels & peanut butter after having a filling dinner and even dessert, putting me about 12 points over my dailies and it's only Monday...

But I really want to nail down this issue now to be able to move forward and achieve all the goals I was talking about yesterday.

Until next time

Back to life, back to reality

So I knew last week was going to be a tough week. I got through it o-kay, but I certainly was not surprised at my gain this week. 2.6 lbs

I'm half bummed, half happy though about the number.

Bummed because no matter what I am expecting and what I tell myself, a gain is no fun, especially when I've been doing so well.

However, I am happy because it could have been worse. After a week of non-tracked unbalanced eating and minimal exercise which coincides with my normal TOM weight gain (anywhere from 1-3lbs), it was only 2.6 lbs. Plus, I realized after, I had forgotten to take off my belt and cardigan, which I usually do, so that's like half a pound right there.

Still, I already started my return to my healthy habits. Sunday I went food shopping filling my cart with mostly fruits & veggies & healthy snacks. Saturday I started the c25k again (that killed me) and I also danced like a maniac to a live band Saturday night burning at least 7 pts. Yesterday & today have been great points days, and although I couldn't bring myself to run last night (it was cold & I felt yucky), today is gorgeous & I fully intend to do my 20 min run as soon as I get home.

The next couple of weeks should be okay for the most part. I've got Palm Sunday and Easter to plan out my meals, so unless I go on any unplanned PMS binges (even my binging last night was just rice cakes...) then I should be fine. Gotta keep up the exercise though!!

Back into my groove. :)

Until next time