Has it really been three months?

Egad!

Well, the last three months have been nonstop insanity for me, and with that, my whole routine has gone out the window. Not to say I haven't been doing anything about my health, but any sense of normal has long disappeared.

So here is my update:
-Weight: Ugh. Not happy with where I am right now. I definitely have been slowly putting back on some of the weight I lost. On one hand, it could have been worse. On the other hand--shame on you Julia. I am now back up to 195.6. Last July I was down to 180. I have some work to do.
-Fitness: Although my fitness routine has gone on hiatus, I have been making some effort. February and March were fine. April I made it to the gym all of once--though I did get random exercise outdoors and through one major office upheaval. Which brings me to...
-Stress: With a big work event in March to get ready for, and then finding out we had to relocate our office the week afterward, followed by the transition of moving and trying to work around boxes and re-moving for the following month, my whole work life has been in a state of chaos. We moved to an office about 1/3 the size of our previous one and have had to eliminate and condense a lot of our supplies, files, etc. If I wasn't getting my cardio, I was sure getting in weight training! And after that that move came the stress with end of fiscal year events, responsibilities, and trying to fit everything in while not finding anything in our office. Additionally, I was stage managing for the spring production at my local theater and that went full throttle in April with rehearsals 4x/week. I go home exhausted and stressed and have resorted to old habits.

However there have been some good things as well:
-Accomplishments: Although I didn't train for it...at all, on May 2nd, I completed the Pittsburgh Half Marathon!! It was awesome & I am very proud of it. I will blog about it soon.
-Steps in the right direction: After two months, I finally made it back to Weight Watchers this week. I am basically starting from scratch, not taking anything for granted in regards to my eating habits and trusting myself to naturally eat the right things--I've started tracking again, getting in my healthy foods, looking at portion sizes, and I made it to the gym last night (as opposed to Tuesday night when I had planned).
-I've am about three months into a new, but long-distance relationship (yes, I realize the time frame...) with a really great guy and he's been making me very happy.
-In 9 days I will be turning 30!! Celebrations galore!!

Challenges:
-Schedule: I still have this massively insane schedule, especially with Josh (the boy) coming into visit next week for my birthday, and another few weeks of work insanity, and we're STILL moving boxes!!
-Funds: I'm pretty broke these days--or at least trying really hard to conserve money for bills I have to pay and expenses that will be happening in the next few months & it stresses me out--additionally I still am trying to make my health a priority so that healthy food shopping is going to have to outweigh some other expenditures. Yikes.
-Spring celebrations--birthdays, graduations, babies, weddings (I have 3 weekends straight of weddings in July). Those are all going to be challenges for me to keep on track.

Goals:
We all know I'm absolutely terrible with setting goals & sticking to the program to achieve them, but I'm still trying.
-One 5k per month. I already have one in June I'm planning on. I want to find ones for the rest of the summer which shouldn't be too difficult. I think the half marathon counts for May. I'd like to work my way up to running again consistently.
-Get back down to 180 by Labor Day weekend. Then work towards my lifetime goal.
-Have no regrets. Sure I screwed up and let myself get off track. But in my mind, I needed that reality check to remember that this isn't something that comes easy and my health isn't something to take for granted. There's no sense in wasting time on the "I should haves..." Instead, I pick myself up & keep going.

Well, that was a long update, I miss connecting with my fellow bloggers and I intend on updating more frequently and returning back to you guys for the inspiration and support that has worked so often in the past.

Until next time!

The damage

Weighed in last night. I specifically went to a meeting a little further than me so I could have my regular leader. I needed her support. Even though having someone new every once in a while provides a fresh outlook, but I needed my leader to be able to sit through this meeting, accept my fate on the scale and move on.

It was a good meeting, but I didn't get to really talk to her afterward like I wanted to because others went up to her first and there was a big crowd and I didn't feel like waiting. I figure I can talk to her on Monday when I am at my regular meeting. I was unexpectedly a little upset though as I left because I felt like I needed her to encourage me and help me figure out why I've been putting up these obstacles and roadblocks for myself. I mean, I guess I know all of this already, but I needed to hear it from her.

Anyway--the damage: 4.6 lbs. That brings me back up to 190.4

Ugh. I didn't think I'd ever have to see that number again. But I'm glad I did because it was the final alarm of my wake up call that I've been hitting snooze on for a while.

I did this. But I can do something about it. I choose to change.

I started by hitting up the grocery store right after the meeting and stocked up on the good stuff--fruits & veggies, yogurt, hummus & pretzels--all my favorite fresh foods. My feel good foods.

And when I got home, I was super hungry. I could have gone to the freezer for those Holey Donuts that had arrived the day before and that I had binged on for no good reason. Only 4pts apiece but BOY do they add up. Instead I opted for health.

Actually I ate quite a bit--but I didn't even use all my points! Pretzels & Hummus (portioned out instead of right out of the container), turkey wrap w/FF cheese & cucumbers, greek yogurt w/high fiber cereal, and an apple. All of that was 12.5 points. I had a relatively low point lunch (and no breakfast), so I had quite a bit of points left for the day. But it was satisfying both in hunger and knowing that I made great choices.

Tonight I probably won't get to eat dinner because I am going straight from work to an event to rehearsal, but I have a hearty lunch planned, and snacks for later to keep me from getting too hungry and then binging later.

I feel refreshed from all this. I am still disappointed for letting myself get this far off track, but I am moving forward and am ready for the change.

My horoscope even tells me so:

Sharper than ever, your vision will be able to show you what changes you must make.

The stars always tell it like it is :)

Until next time

Choose wisely & reap the rewards

Last night I was watching the Biggest Loser and at the end when I was watching the transformation "after" of the contestant who got kicked off, something struck a chord with me. In a motivational speech she was giving, she said "You can choose differently." In our darkest hours, you have control over your life and it's the choices that you make that affect the outcome. You can choose differently.

Now this is neither my darkest hour nor is it anything remotely close to the circumstances she was referring to, but it is applicable.

Our choices shape our lives. They shape the outcome. They shape our energy and our relationships and our day to day events.

Lately my choices have been dismal. My eating choices, my lack of inactivity choices. They are thoughtless choices, but choices nonetheless. Returning to old habits out of laziness and not thinking how the food I'm eating or buying will affect me are all choices I've been making lately and then regretting. I've had ample opportunity to start making good choices but have continued this route of bad decisions, while making every excuse in the book as to why I'm making these choices. And the lack of inactivity has been a big drawback as well. Usually if I'm active, I tend to think twice about what I'm eating, knowing that I'm putting hard work into my exercise and I don't want to waste the effort. And I keep whining about it--without doing anything about it.

I have disappointed myself. I have hidden in denial from the truth. I have only blogged sparingly knowing how pitiful these choices and excuses seem. Yet I have not chosen to do anything differently.

Today I am revisiting my goals and motivation asking myself what's in it for me.

What do I want?

• To get back on track
• To get to my goal weight
• To feel healthy again
• To feel motivated again
• To feel fit again
• To hit those Feats of Strength with a smile of accomplishment
  
• To incorporate healthy living into all aspects of my life
• To stop making excuses!

Why do I want this?

• Because I'm turning 30 in 7 months and I want to start the next decade of my life healthy.
• Because I want to wear those skinny jeans and look GOOD in them
• Because I want to wear a bikini on the beach
• Because I want to achieve those fitness goals and keep striving for more
  
• Because I want to not have to think about weight for ONCE in my life!

When do I want this?

• By the end of the year I want to hit my goal of 165
• Six weeks of maintenance = Valentine's Day (mid Feb)
• By April 21 (2 year WW anniversary) I want to have maintained my weight and be comfortable in my body, my habits, and my life.

How will I do this?

• Making the right decisions starting today
• Tracking & being aware of food point values
• Committing to exercise
• Leaving behind old habits & developing new healthy habits
• Stop making excuses

I need to hold myself accountable. I need to stop being lazy. I need to change my life. It's not going to be easy, but I need to do this for me. I will do this for me.

I'm starting this by weighing in tonight. Yes, I skipped Monday's weigh in. Shamefully so. There was no reason for me to stay home, but I did because for the first time I was afraid of what the scale was going to say. I don't know why, I've had plenty of gains in the past. I've gone into the meeting knowing I was going to gain and still weighed in. But this week I was a coward.

I'm going tonight.

It's not about baby steps. It's about one steady step at the time. I'm not putting my foot down unless I know where it's going to land and that where I put it is the right place.

This is it. This is my choice.

And I choose to take action.

So bear with me as I regain my footing in this journey, accept my faults, and move past these missteps towards a better version of me.

Now the work begins.
Until next time.

A Fun Challenge for All!

I'm declaring this week: Try Something New Week!!!

Often in our efforts to lose weight, we get stuck in a routine. Not that a routine is a bad thing, but sometimes the monotony of the same food patterns or the same exercise gets us into a rut, a plateau or just boredom.

So going with my week 3 of my plan which I laid out for myself, I'm challenging everyone to try something new this week with me.

A new food, a new exercise class, a new style of cooking, a different route on your run; whatever it is, pick something to shake up your routine! Check out this Weight Watchers.com article for some inspiration: Find the Fun in Weight Loss. (Oddly enough this seems to be the weekly topic for WW as well.)

My goal is to try something new every day, but with my crazy schedule it's going to be difficult. However, I already have two things lined up...I've been staring at a box of Quinoa in my cabinet that I've been wanting to make, and I'm stepping up to the plate. Even more fun, tonight I'm trying a new activity: Swing Dancing!! I've had an obsession with swing dancing since I was in Jr. High and watched the movie Swing Kids. I know the basics, but I really want to have a fun time with it and have it become a more natural rhythm. I always end up leading when I dance, so I want to learn how to follow. And how to do all those fun flips and turns etc. Plus it's on my "Feats of Strength" list so I have to do it :)

So I challenge you to try something new this week & hopefully it will inspire you to spice up your weight loss efforts or just your everyday life. And most importantly it's something for you to have fun with! I can't wait to see what everyone comes up with!

Oh, and I kicked off my week with something entirely new already...
Surprise!!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time

Brain tricks

Ever wonder how some weeks you can be totally on program--fully committed to your weight loss efforts, happy with all the great healthy foods you're eating and able to resist temptation? And then other weeks...well, it all goes to hell? One bite of chocolate cake or potato chip leads to another, and another and another...and before you know it you've gone through two weeks worth of food in a matter of hours?

Apparently there's some research that tells us why. I'm no science geek (maybe a wannabe), but this info caught my eye.

UT Southwestern Medical Center finds evidence that fat from certain foods makes it's way to the brain blocking the appetite suppressing chemicals which tell your body that you've had enough. So upon consuming fatty foods, the brain "gets hit with the fatty acids" becoming resistant to those other chemicals (insulin & leptin) which tell you to stop eating.

Palmitic acid was found to be the main culprit--part of the saturated fat found in milk, butter, cheese and beef. So the for ice cream fans out there...you can blame those empty cartons on your brain chemistry!!

I guess that doesn't explain my trigger foods (salty/crunchy/fried food like potato chips) but I definitely see the difference in my willpower when I indulge in these foods vs. avoiding them, so maybe there's a similar effect.

Now I don't know if this will stop me from eating those trigger foods or those Palmitic fueled foods (I certainly don't plan on giving up milk, cheese or ice cream anytime soon), but maybe it's something to think about when making those food choices. If I have this cheese, will I be more likely to want chips tomorrow, and then fried food the next day, sending me into a spiral pattern of eating and weight gain until I can get myself back in control? I don't know, but it's certainly an interesting perspective.

What do you guys think? Some truth to this? Will knowing this influence the way you eat? Are any of you now craving ice cream like I am?

Until next time

Back in...

...the Saddle
(That could totally be me...if...I rode...horses)

Good Afternoon to all you lovely friends of the blogosphere! I hope you're enjoying your day. I certainly am. I spent my morning at Bloomingdales...for work. Could it get any better?

Okay--back to the topic at hand. I am back in the clichéd saddle. I finally went running last night and it felt great. After 45 days of not doing any exerted exercise other than walking, I finally just got up and did it. And granted I probably should have started off a little slower than I did (I ran most of the 2.5 miles), I pushed through some of my usual struggles including breathing issues, side cramps and leg fatigue and I did it. And I'm going to do it again tonight. Even with the heat during the day, it cooled down nicely by 9pm and it was perfect for running. Plus my apartment was a sauna so it was actually nicer to be outside.

My energy level was high yesterday--and I was ready to take full advantage of it. If that wasn't enough, my meeting last night was another driving factor--both positive and negative.

Negative first.
I had another gain. It was only .4 lbs, but being that this was the 3rd week in a row I've gained (which has not happened to me ever since I started WW), it was a slap in the face. I need to start making changes. I can't skirt by as I'd been doing for a while with the bare minimum expecting to see results. I won't go into details about the negatives of last week because I don't want to dwell on them*. Moving forward...

The positives:
The meeting topic was about getting off track. My leader specifically talked about Plateaus, but it was entirely appropriate to what I've been going through the past few weeks--addressing why you aren't losing weight. Lack of focus, getting sloppy, monotony etc. I don't know if it necessarily enlightened me on anything, but it did reinforce the fact that I need to take control of this before it gets out of hand.

Even more helpful was after the meeting, my leader came up to ask how I was doing & we started talking about helping me get back on track. Just talking about it seemed to get me back in the momentum. AND one of my fellow meeting members came up and asked me about how I lost my weight. I have to admit I probably was a bit of a Debbie Downer because I was still a bit cranky about gaining, but I tried to give her some of my tips (basically everything that I wasn't doing for the past month). Next week I plan on being a little more helpful to her. So all of this, plus the fact that I felt like I was finally getting my head together to get back on track really helped to motivate me and give me back that positive spirit I'd been missing.

Looking back...
Even though last week didn't go as well as I'd hoped, there were some positive improvements:

• I tracked...most** of my food--on WW.com and in my work planner
• I brought my lunch every day. Home made is always better.
• I walked at lunch during the nicer days. Hey it was a start right?
• I hydrated! Boy did I ever. Bathroom trips were frequent.
• I limited TV, at least at the beginning of the week. I didn't necessarily take that time to do something productive, but even going to bed was better than sitting there mindlessly.
• I did not drink unnecessary alcohol--only on the weekend at two parties--and that was also limited.
• I started practicing a new habit (mentioned at Losing My Thighs) of putting my food down between bites to be able to savor the taste and slow down eating. When I am conscious of it and practice it, it actually works! It makes food last longer too. Point in case-my chocolate chip cookie is only 1/2 eaten 10 minutes after I started it! Chances are I won't be wanting a 2nd one.
  
• Even though I had a rough week last week, my obsessive blog-browsing got me psyched again for moving in the right direction.

*Note to self-don't fall for two-for-one deals on snacks. Like Goldfish. They're evil.
** Most of my food...weekends still tend to get lost in the shuffle. Don't know if I'll ever get past that.

So here's to a fresh week of conscious efforts to get back in the saddle and keep on riding!
Until next time

On the Plus side...and cravings

So my weigh in last night was as expected--a gain of 1lb. I suppose it could have been worse--it is PMS week. And I feel a lot more bloated than 1lb.

But on the plus side, I finally went food shopping last night. I stocked up on lots of fruits and some veggies (the selection was miserable of good vegetables). I made sure I got plenty of stuff for lunch as well as some healthy snacks like pretzels, Fiber One bars & Jello (Fat Free, Sugar-Free) pudding (especially after seeing a couple of recipe ideas).

A full fridge makes me happy--it's stressful having to try to make healthy food decisions if there aren't the options available, forcing me to spend more money buying a meal, or attempting to make a meal from unsatisfying foods and inevitably eating more.

My only disappointment was that I have been craving pizza and I was determined to make a homemade pizza on a pre-made whole-wheat crust (I hear Boboli makes a good one) and loading it up with veggies & reduced fat cheese. However the supermarket didn't have any option to do that. The frozen pizzas were all pre-made and the store-brand pizza crust just turned me off. So now that I have all the ingredients BUT the crust, I'll try to visit another store this week & finally make my pizza.

Last night's meeting actually talked about cravings--what they mean, how to control them, etc. Of course it did nothing but make me hungry as people mentioned their cravings (chips, chocolate, bbq ribs...) and how they satisfy them either with the real thing or a substitute. But it did make me think about my own cravings. As I've said often, most of my cravings come when I'm bored--home in front of the TV and I feel like I need something to eat. It's then I usually crave some kind of crunchy food--whether salty like chips or sweet like cookies, I need something to crunch.

I have never been one to deny a craving--I feel like if I'm craving it, my body needs it. Okay--so that involves a little rationalization because I'm sure my body doesn't need high-fructose corn syrup or deep fryed anything. But the basic texture and flavor of the foods-salty, crunchy, sugary, milky...I think those are things that the body is telling you it needs whether to combat a food deficiency or to handle an emotion. So I am usually the one giving into the craving, saying that I'll just cut back somewhere else. But of course I don't and I end up getting myself in trouble on the scale.

So what can I do? Our leader's answers were "Distract it, Fake it, Feed it, Dig Deeper, Get to the root of the emotion." I've definitely done the first three. Distracted it by doing something else, Faked it by substituting something that will have the same effect, and Fed it with a portion-controlled size of it. But I've never really digged deeper or asked myself why am I craving it and what does it mean? I guess it's a version of Distracting it, but will it help?

Anyway--this is a long post and I'm rambling so let me know your thoughts on cravings. What foods do you crave most often? When do you crave them? Do you feed them or do you do something else to help you stay on track?

Until next time

Return to Reality

Hi All--

Yes, I've been MIA for a month--but it was a crazy month filled with drama, adventure, and absolutely no regard to holding up my plans for boot camp or minding my food routine.

Right after my last post, I managed to come down with a horrible case of tonsillitis and mono (of all things!) and spent the next two weeks in bed. Once I began to feel better, I got back to walking, but not regularly, and although I made mostly healthy food choices, I didn't track anything. As of my last weigh in I was down to 181.6 (from 184.2).

Then I went on a road trip which was ever so slightly detrimental to that, filled with lots of drinking, tasting some very rich southern food, sporadic exercise, and a highly emotional visit to a friend. Returning home this week has proven no better and I have knowingly overindulged in all those taste-so-good-but-so-bad-for-you foods. I have yet to weigh in since then. Tonight I will find out the damage.

This week is my return to work, and my return to routine. Whatever the scale says tonight, I once again am returning to my quest for health. My body needs it. So does my mind.

I missed being in touch with the blogger world and I hope to regain some of the spirit and motivation I had before all hell broke loose in my life.

Wish me luck!
Until next time

Tools for Living #4

I'm feeling very big today & very off program.

Okay--once again, I had a successful weigh-in on Monday, and only a small goal to accomplish this week, and it's now Friday & I feel like I am failing. Although my points haven't been too bad (though Tuesday was a bit over the top), and I have been getting in my lunchtime walks every day (but not my evening walks), I feel like Monday's weigh-in is going to be a disappointment.

Not that I'm giving up. I can't go for a walk tonight (well, maybe a short one, but it's hot & I have a date), but I certainly want to tomorrow. A nice long one in the morning because then I will be picnicking in the park with friends & wine & cheese & wine & food & wine...followed by more food & mojitos. I'm going to have to be careful because the picnic could easily get out of hand. Maybe I'll bring some food I can eat & not feel guilty about. That's a good idea.

I think for this I have to use one of the Tools for Living. This week I will use Mental Rehearsing, the act of practicing in your mind ahead of time, being in a challenging situation. According to WW it can be used to

• Develop healthy new behaviors
• Deal with situations you know will be difficult
• Visualize living at your weight goal

So first I have to identify the situation:
I will be at a picnic and will be presented with a lot of unhealthy food choices as well as an endless supply of wine which will be highly detrimental to my plan. I want to enjoy myself but also be very aware of what I'm eating and drinking and help myself stay on plan.

Second I have to imagine myself in the situation:
Where am I?
I am in Central Park at Turtle Pond, sitting on the lawn enjoying the summer with friends

What am I saying?
Oh, thank you, but I don't want any more wine. It's hot, I think I'll have some water. Can I have some more fruit? Would you like some of the [insert healthy food here] which I brought?

What am I doing?
I am having a glass of wine, followed by a bottle of water. I have some cheese & crackers as well as some fruit and/or veggies which I have brought, or some other healthy and filling summery fun dish which I have brought. I am getting up to play to get some exercise with a ball/frisbee/some other sport equipment. I am basking in the sunshine and soaking up healthy UV rays. At dinner following the park, I am choosing light and healthy meals, and will have one mojito so as not to deprive myself, but won't fall for the pitcher of rummy goodness.

How am I doing it?
With grace. And style. And skinny clothes so I can remember how far I've come and my goals I want to reach.

Third, rehearse the desired response:
No thank you, I'll have the water. Hmm, that fruit sure looks delicious. (Okay, that was a bit cheesy, but it helps)

Fourth, repeat until the event

I think two things that will help this along are bringing food that I can nosh on without feeling deprived, and water to drink rather than wine or other alcohol; and if I wear something that is very suitable for my fitter body so I can remember that I want to continue moving towards my goal.

I'll report back on the results!!

Until next time

Tools for Living #2

Okay, so despite the fact that this week was monumentally better than the week before, I only lost one pound compared to the 1.8 from the previous weigh in. I contribute that to two things...previous week overload catching up with me, and end of week bad points. But I'm still down a pound, so it's not an entire disappointment.

So onto Tools for Living #2:
Storyboarding

This step encourages you to make a step by step action plan to reach your "winning outcome" which we discussed last week. By breaking it down into smaller steps, or smaller goals, it makes the long term winning outcome more attainable. And then by writing or drawing (yeah, okay) these steps, you are visualizing them to make them a reality. I suppose I sort of did that last week, but let's put this baby to work Storyboard style.

Winning outcome: I want to get to my goal weight of 162 lbs and to improve my lifestyle by making healthy choices in my life.

First I have to decide my mini-goals which will help achieve this...
1. Walking for at least 20 minutes on Sunny/nice weather days
2. Days that I can't walk...uhh...
3. Filling my cabinet & fridge with healthy food, snacks, prep foods, etc.
4. Thinking of alternative ways to move more: taking the stairs if under 4 flights...
5. Using more creative & healthy ways to prepare my foods.
6.

I can't think of any more. WW says they should be specific. Should they be time specific with deadlines? And to put them in an order so I can see outcomes.

1. Filling my cabinet & fridge with healthy food choices
2. May: Get in three days of walking for at least 20 minutes during the week, and at least one 40+ minute physical activity on the weekend.
3. Think of alternative ways to move more. Do at least different movement per day in addition to exercise
4. June: Increase to five days of 20 minute exercise plus at least one day of 60 min physical activity or 2 days x 30 minutes.
5. Make an effort to cook more trying some of the WW recipes or Hungry Girl recipes.
6. July: Month #7=7 days of exercise. If not seven days, lengthen daily exercise to 30 minutes.
7. For each 10lbs and/or clothing size dropped, celebrate with a new outfit.

Okay, I just threw in that last one to make 7 items. I will be drawing this out on an actual storyboard soon. I will scan & post.

Next week's tool: Empowering beliefs. Right.

Until next time!