she said sheepishly.
I haven't been a very good blogger. Nor have I been a very good healther. (Seriously the only the word I can think of at the end of the day).
Happy New Year by the way!
Let me quickly recap the last month. My last post was December 15th after a gain at weigh in. Well that was dumb, letting myself gain after all my goals and progress in getting back on track. And instead of getting back on the wagon, I drove the wagon off a cliff. So after three weeks, too many cupcakes and not remotely enough exercise, I have gained another 4.4 lbs, putting me way back up at 194.6. This week last year I was 196.8. I have managed in one year to lose exactly 2.2 lbs. Pardon my language but WHAT THE DUCK?
Seriously. What the hell happened in the past few months that I completely undid all the hard work I did this year??? Why can't I seem to stick to the plan anymore? Why am I so out of control with food? Why can't I live up to my own goals and expectations?
Well it was an odd year. Literally. I do much better in even numbered years, and 2009 was not my favorite. Sure, lots of great things happened, but there was some definite obstacles, mentally, physically, emotionally etc that I let get in my way.
I am determined that with the fresh year comes a fresh start and a fresh state of mind. I start this year over, not looking back except to learn from my mistakes. I start this year focused. With a plan, and the will to stick to it.
I spent my winter break inside. With food. I even made food in order to binge on it (cupcakes are my new enemy). What's worse was as I sat there, in front of my computer, listlessly watching movies and entire TV series, with my only exercise being trips to the fridge or the bathroom, all I did was feel sorry for myself. Good grief, I didn't even read any blogs as I avoided the reality of what I was doing to myself. All I did was remorse that I was allowing myself to revert to all my bad habits I'd lived with until I joined Weight Watchers. But I did nothing. I let it get worse. And now I'm starting from scratch.
Starting from scratch is fine though. I'm okay with that. It means leaving behind an old frame of mind to move forward. Learn from the past and emerging stronger.
I'm back, and watch out world, I'll be better than ever. This year, 2010, WILL be the year I take charge of my life.
Now I'm going to catch up on your blogs :)
Stay strong my friends.
Until next time
Showing posts with label habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label habits. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Choose wisely & reap the rewards
Last night I was watching the Biggest Loser and at the end when I was watching the transformation "after" of the contestant who got kicked off, something struck a chord with me. In a motivational speech she was giving, she said "You can choose differently." In our darkest hours, you have control over your life and it's the choices that you make that affect the outcome. You can choose differently.
Now this is neither my darkest hour nor is it anything remotely close to the circumstances she was referring to, but it is applicable.
Our choices shape our lives. They shape the outcome. They shape our energy and our relationships and our day to day events.
Lately my choices have been dismal. My eating choices, my lack of inactivity choices. They are thoughtless choices, but choices nonetheless. Returning to old habits out of laziness and not thinking how the food I'm eating or buying will affect me are all choices I've been making lately and then regretting. I've had ample opportunity to start making good choices but have continued this route of bad decisions, while making every excuse in the book as to why I'm making these choices. And the lack of inactivity has been a big drawback as well. Usually if I'm active, I tend to think twice about what I'm eating, knowing that I'm putting hard work into my exercise and I don't want to waste the effort. And I keep whining about it--without doing anything about it.
I have disappointed myself. I have hidden in denial from the truth. I have only blogged sparingly knowing how pitiful these choices and excuses seem. Yet I have not chosen to do anything differently.
Today I am revisiting my goals and motivation asking myself what's in it for me.
What do I want?
I'm starting this by weighing in tonight. Yes, I skipped Monday's weigh in. Shamefully so. There was no reason for me to stay home, but I did because for the first time I was afraid of what the scale was going to say. I don't know why, I've had plenty of gains in the past. I've gone into the meeting knowing I was going to gain and still weighed in. But this week I was a coward.
I'm going tonight.
It's not about baby steps. It's about one steady step at the time. I'm not putting my foot down unless I know where it's going to land and that where I put it is the right place.
This is it. This is my choice.
And I choose to take action.
So bear with me as I regain my footing in this journey, accept my faults, and move past these missteps towards a better version of me.
Now the work begins.
Until next time.
Now this is neither my darkest hour nor is it anything remotely close to the circumstances she was referring to, but it is applicable.
Our choices shape our lives. They shape the outcome. They shape our energy and our relationships and our day to day events.
Lately my choices have been dismal. My eating choices, my lack of inactivity choices. They are thoughtless choices, but choices nonetheless. Returning to old habits out of laziness and not thinking how the food I'm eating or buying will affect me are all choices I've been making lately and then regretting. I've had ample opportunity to start making good choices but have continued this route of bad decisions, while making every excuse in the book as to why I'm making these choices. And the lack of inactivity has been a big drawback as well. Usually if I'm active, I tend to think twice about what I'm eating, knowing that I'm putting hard work into my exercise and I don't want to waste the effort. And I keep whining about it--without doing anything about it.
I have disappointed myself. I have hidden in denial from the truth. I have only blogged sparingly knowing how pitiful these choices and excuses seem. Yet I have not chosen to do anything differently.
Today I am revisiting my goals and motivation asking myself what's in it for me.
What do I want?
- To get back on track
- To get to my goal weight
- To feel healthy again
- To feel motivated again
- To feel fit again
- To hit those Feats of Strength with a smile of accomplishment
- To incorporate healthy living into all aspects of my life
- To stop making excuses!
- Because I'm turning 30 in 7 months and I want to start the next decade of my life healthy.
- Because I want to wear those skinny jeans and look GOOD in them
- Because I want to wear a bikini on the beach
- Because I want to achieve those fitness goals and keep striving for more
- Because I want to not have to think about weight for ONCE in my life!
- By the end of the year I want to hit my goal of 165
- Six weeks of maintenance = Valentine's Day (mid Feb)
- By April 21 (2 year WW anniversary) I want to have maintained my weight and be comfortable in my body, my habits, and my life.
- Making the right decisions starting today
- Tracking & being aware of food point values
- Committing to exercise
- Leaving behind old habits & developing new healthy habits
- Stop making excuses
I'm starting this by weighing in tonight. Yes, I skipped Monday's weigh in. Shamefully so. There was no reason for me to stay home, but I did because for the first time I was afraid of what the scale was going to say. I don't know why, I've had plenty of gains in the past. I've gone into the meeting knowing I was going to gain and still weighed in. But this week I was a coward.
I'm going tonight.
It's not about baby steps. It's about one steady step at the time. I'm not putting my foot down unless I know where it's going to land and that where I put it is the right place.
This is it. This is my choice.
And I choose to take action.
So bear with me as I regain my footing in this journey, accept my faults, and move past these missteps towards a better version of me.
Now the work begins.
Until next time.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Back in...
...the Saddle(That could totally be me...if...I rode...horses)
Good Afternoon to all you lovely friends of the blogosphere! I hope you're enjoying your day. I certainly am. I spent my morning at Bloomingdales...for work. Could it get any better?
Okay--back to the topic at hand. I am back in the clichéd saddle. I finally went running last night and it felt great. After 45 days of not doing any exerted exercise other than walking, I finally just got up and did it. And granted I probably should have started off a little slower than I did (I ran most of the 2.5 miles), I pushed through some of my usual struggles including breathing issues, side cramps and leg fatigue and I did it. And I'm going to do it again tonight. Even with the heat during the day, it cooled down nicely by 9pm and it was perfect for running. Plus my apartment was a sauna so it was actually nicer to be outside.
My energy level was high yesterday--and I was ready to take full advantage of it. If that wasn't enough, my meeting last night was another driving factor--both positive and negative.
Negative first.
I had another gain. It was only .4 lbs, but being that this was the 3rd week in a row I've gained (which has not happened to me ever since I started WW), it was a slap in the face. I need to start making changes. I can't skirt by as I'd been doing for a while with the bare minimum expecting to see results. I won't go into details about the negatives of last week because I don't want to dwell on them*. Moving forward...
The positives:
The meeting topic was about getting off track. My leader specifically talked about Plateaus, but it was entirely appropriate to what I've been going through the past few weeks--addressing why you aren't losing weight. Lack of focus, getting sloppy, monotony etc. I don't know if it necessarily enlightened me on anything, but it did reinforce the fact that I need to take control of this before it gets out of hand.
Even more helpful was after the meeting, my leader came up to ask how I was doing & we started talking about helping me get back on track. Just talking about it seemed to get me back in the momentum. AND one of my fellow meeting members came up and asked me about how I lost my weight. I have to admit I probably was a bit of a Debbie Downer because I was still a bit cranky about gaining, but I tried to give her some of my tips (basically everything that I wasn't doing for the past month). Next week I plan on being a little more helpful to her. So all of this, plus the fact that I felt like I was finally getting my head together to get back on track really helped to motivate me and give me back that positive spirit I'd been missing.
Looking back...
Even though last week didn't go as well as I'd hoped, there were some positive improvements:
** Most of my food...weekends still tend to get lost in the shuffle. Don't know if I'll ever get past that.
So here's to a fresh week of conscious efforts to get back in the saddle and keep on riding!
Until next time
Okay--back to the topic at hand. I am back in the clichéd saddle. I finally went running last night and it felt great. After 45 days of not doing any exerted exercise other than walking, I finally just got up and did it. And granted I probably should have started off a little slower than I did (I ran most of the 2.5 miles), I pushed through some of my usual struggles including breathing issues, side cramps and leg fatigue and I did it. And I'm going to do it again tonight. Even with the heat during the day, it cooled down nicely by 9pm and it was perfect for running. Plus my apartment was a sauna so it was actually nicer to be outside.
My energy level was high yesterday--and I was ready to take full advantage of it. If that wasn't enough, my meeting last night was another driving factor--both positive and negative.
Negative first.
I had another gain. It was only .4 lbs, but being that this was the 3rd week in a row I've gained (which has not happened to me ever since I started WW), it was a slap in the face. I need to start making changes. I can't skirt by as I'd been doing for a while with the bare minimum expecting to see results. I won't go into details about the negatives of last week because I don't want to dwell on them*. Moving forward...
The positives:
The meeting topic was about getting off track. My leader specifically talked about Plateaus, but it was entirely appropriate to what I've been going through the past few weeks--addressing why you aren't losing weight. Lack of focus, getting sloppy, monotony etc. I don't know if it necessarily enlightened me on anything, but it did reinforce the fact that I need to take control of this before it gets out of hand.
Even more helpful was after the meeting, my leader came up to ask how I was doing & we started talking about helping me get back on track. Just talking about it seemed to get me back in the momentum. AND one of my fellow meeting members came up and asked me about how I lost my weight. I have to admit I probably was a bit of a Debbie Downer because I was still a bit cranky about gaining, but I tried to give her some of my tips (basically everything that I wasn't doing for the past month). Next week I plan on being a little more helpful to her. So all of this, plus the fact that I felt like I was finally getting my head together to get back on track really helped to motivate me and give me back that positive spirit I'd been missing.
Looking back...
Even though last week didn't go as well as I'd hoped, there were some positive improvements:
- I tracked...most** of my food--on WW.com and in my work planner
- I brought my lunch every day. Home made is always better.
- I walked at lunch during the nicer days. Hey it was a start right?
- I hydrated! Boy did I ever. Bathroom trips were frequent.
- I limited TV, at least at the beginning of the week. I didn't necessarily take that time to do something productive, but even going to bed was better than sitting there mindlessly.
- I did not drink unnecessary alcohol--only on the weekend at two parties--and that was also limited.
- I started practicing a new habit (mentioned at Losing My Thighs) of putting my food down between bites to be able to savor the taste and slow down eating. When I am conscious of it and practice it, it actually works! It makes food last longer too. Point in case-my chocolate chip cookie is only 1/2 eaten 10 minutes after I started it! Chances are I won't be wanting a 2nd one.
- Even though I had a rough week last week, my obsessive blog-browsing got me psyched again for moving in the right direction.
** Most of my food...weekends still tend to get lost in the shuffle. Don't know if I'll ever get past that.
So here's to a fresh week of conscious efforts to get back in the saddle and keep on riding!
Until next time
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Food choices and other ramblings
Halfway through hell week at the theater and I'm exhausted.
Not only am I exhausted, I am succumbing to all sorts of bad food choices. Late night eating, snacking on cookies & chips at rehearsals, not getting in my 8 healthy guidelines...
I could blame it on being busy, but it's not that. I'm making conscious decisions to snack and to choose the foods I am choosing. After eating dinner there's no need to have that many oreos at rehearsal (even if they are reduced fat), there was no reason to finish off that jar of peanut butter (also reduced fat), and there was certainly no reason last night for me to make those Pillsbury cinnamon twists at 12:30 and then proceed to eat half the batch.
It's laziness, it's poor choices, and its' resorting to old bad habits. But they're all excuses that are slowing my progress of not only my weight loss, but changing my lifestyle.
I disappoint myself when I do this. If I keep falling back into these old habits, what's going to happen when I reach my goal weight? As much as I would like to say--okay, I don't have to watch what I eat or exercise anymore, I know that it's something I will have to constantly be aware of so I don't end up gaining the weight back. As hard as weight loss is, the thought of maintaining it is kind of scary. I don't know if I can do it. I know that if I don't change these bad habits I'll end up falling into the same routine all too quickly.
Well, it's something I've got to work on. But until this weekend (and this show) is over, I'm just going to have to muddle through-maybe a little more successfully than the 1st part of the week. Hopefully Saturday I can rest up & even exercise. Monday I'll have to grin & bear what the scale says & then just hop back on the right path and start rebuilding those healthy habits.
Until next time.
Not only am I exhausted, I am succumbing to all sorts of bad food choices. Late night eating, snacking on cookies & chips at rehearsals, not getting in my 8 healthy guidelines...
I could blame it on being busy, but it's not that. I'm making conscious decisions to snack and to choose the foods I am choosing. After eating dinner there's no need to have that many oreos at rehearsal (even if they are reduced fat), there was no reason to finish off that jar of peanut butter (also reduced fat), and there was certainly no reason last night for me to make those Pillsbury cinnamon twists at 12:30 and then proceed to eat half the batch.
It's laziness, it's poor choices, and its' resorting to old bad habits. But they're all excuses that are slowing my progress of not only my weight loss, but changing my lifestyle.
I disappoint myself when I do this. If I keep falling back into these old habits, what's going to happen when I reach my goal weight? As much as I would like to say--okay, I don't have to watch what I eat or exercise anymore, I know that it's something I will have to constantly be aware of so I don't end up gaining the weight back. As hard as weight loss is, the thought of maintaining it is kind of scary. I don't know if I can do it. I know that if I don't change these bad habits I'll end up falling into the same routine all too quickly.
Well, it's something I've got to work on. But until this weekend (and this show) is over, I'm just going to have to muddle through-maybe a little more successfully than the 1st part of the week. Hopefully Saturday I can rest up & even exercise. Monday I'll have to grin & bear what the scale says & then just hop back on the right path and start rebuilding those healthy habits.
Until next time.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Huh?
Confused Camel(What I felt like after I weighed in)
Well this week I'm all about kicking it up a notch so even if next week the scale says I'm up, I'll know that it's that 2 week cycle and not my lack of trying.
Yesterday on WW.com I saw the Spring into Action Challenge headlining the site. It goes right along with my "No Excuses" mantra. (Okay, so maybe I got the inspiration from reading this article...)
Basically it's that "bootcamp" I was referring to. And it outlined the challenge in four ways
-Eat smarter by planning your meals, sticking to the plan, and staying within your points most of the week unless it's planned in. Don't give in to temptation.
-Moving more by increasing activity, making it a part of your daily routine and even signing up for a 5k (which I am planning for August)
-Build helpful habits by building awareness of your eating habits, your hunger signals, etc.
-Finding support. A friend who can help push you to keep moving towards goals and who you can lean on for support.
These are sort of the basics of how WW works, but those are the things I'm always struggling with. So I'm working on improving all of these things and sticking to my plans.
I went food shopping last night at Trader Joe's and loaded up on all sorts of good stuff. Frozen veggies, healthy dinners, etc. I'm going to be working on planning my meals more so I can be more consistent. Tonight I'm planning a run (especially while the weather is still good!) I'm going to be working on solving my boredom/nighttime eating habit which I regularly struggle with. And as for the support, I am trying to work with one of my friends to train for the 5k as well as share our progress with each other.
I feel newly inspired and newly energized so I want to take advantage of this while I can!! And
Until next time
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Hoppity Hop Hop
Look at that Easter Candy Go!!! (sorry--this image was too funny)Why is it that most of the time I don't crave chocolate or sweets, but now that there's all this fun Easter Candy around...why can't I keep away from it?
Jelly beans, chocolate eggs, whopper eggs...and I haven't even gotten to the Peeps!!
Last night I had another night where I found myself just eating and eating. I did go for my c25k jog which was excellent & felt so good, but when I got back I just didn't make the best of it.
I started out good with a great sandwich...turkey, ham, avocado, mustard & sundried tomatoes on toasted bread, with some mozzarella balls on the side. Yum. But then I had more mozzarella, pretzels & most of a container of hummus, grapes & strawberries, and then a load of jelly beans! Most of it wasn't that bad except for the jelly beans, but why was it necessary to eat that much??? I was satisfied after the sandwich. And even the hummus & pretzels weren't that bad. The fruit was certainly good. And I would have added to that a frozen yogurt sandwich if they hadn't been melted (because my freezer wasn't properly closed). If 23 Jelly beans are 3 points, I probably wasted at least 6-8 points on them, but of course I wasn't portioning anything.
I felt so ashamed and didn't even calculate points. This is not going in a good direction. At least the next three nights I'll be busy so I won't be sitting at home in front of the TV, but I've GOT to beat this bad habit of nighttime tv/boredom eating!
Any suggestions?
Until next time.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Back to life, back to reality
So I knew last week was going to be a tough week. I got through it o-kay, but I certainly was not surprised at my gain this week. 2.6 lbs
I'm half bummed, half happy though about the number.
Bummed because no matter what I am expecting and what I tell myself, a gain is no fun, especially when I've been doing so well.
However, I am happy because it could have been worse. After a week of non-tracked unbalanced eating and minimal exercise which coincides with my normal TOM weight gain (anywhere from 1-3lbs), it was only 2.6 lbs. Plus, I realized after, I had forgotten to take off my belt and cardigan, which I usually do, so that's like half a pound right there.
Still, I already started my return to my healthy habits. Sunday I went food shopping filling my cart with mostly fruits & veggies & healthy snacks. Saturday I started the c25k again (that killed me) and I also danced like a maniac to a live band Saturday night burning at least 7 pts. Yesterday & today have been great points days, and although I couldn't bring myself to run last night (it was cold & I felt yucky), today is gorgeous & I fully intend to do my 20 min run as soon as I get home.
The next couple of weeks should be okay for the most part. I've got Palm Sunday and Easter to plan out my meals, so unless I go on any unplanned PMS binges (even my binging last night was just rice cakes...) then I should be fine. Gotta keep up the exercise though!!
Back into my groove. :)
Until next time
I'm half bummed, half happy though about the number.
Bummed because no matter what I am expecting and what I tell myself, a gain is no fun, especially when I've been doing so well.
However, I am happy because it could have been worse. After a week of non-tracked unbalanced eating and minimal exercise which coincides with my normal TOM weight gain (anywhere from 1-3lbs), it was only 2.6 lbs. Plus, I realized after, I had forgotten to take off my belt and cardigan, which I usually do, so that's like half a pound right there.
Still, I already started my return to my healthy habits. Sunday I went food shopping filling my cart with mostly fruits & veggies & healthy snacks. Saturday I started the c25k again (that killed me) and I also danced like a maniac to a live band Saturday night burning at least 7 pts. Yesterday & today have been great points days, and although I couldn't bring myself to run last night (it was cold & I felt yucky), today is gorgeous & I fully intend to do my 20 min run as soon as I get home.
The next couple of weeks should be okay for the most part. I've got Palm Sunday and Easter to plan out my meals, so unless I go on any unplanned PMS binges (even my binging last night was just rice cakes...) then I should be fine. Gotta keep up the exercise though!!
Back into my groove. :)
Until next time
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Strangely content
Usually when I'm writing for this blog, I'm either motivating myself to get a new perspective on this weight loss journey, trying something new, celebrating a success or lamenting a bad choice or a gain.
Strangely enough I feel very content lately with the way things are going. I am eating the right foods (for the most part), planning some of my meals, tracking well, diligently exercising at least 3x a week, and I am losing fairly consistently.
Last night I lost 1.2 lbs bringing me below where I was two weeks ago to 191.2. How cool is that. I not only lost that 1 lb from last week, but I succeeded it by the extra 2/10th of a lb. And now that I"m back to my Monday WI schedule, I can get back into my routine.
Last night I struggled to convince myself to go out for my C25k run, but I did and I felt so strong! I was still out of breath and I had a bit of a stitch in my side, but I wasn't completely dead by the last interval and pushed myself a little farther than I had. Running is actually getting easier! So I have one more level one run on Wednesday and then Saturday I go up to level 2.
So with all this, I continue to move forward. I think next week is going to be a little rough getting through leading up to our fundraiser, but as long as I don't slack in these good habits, I will be fine.
Until next time
Strangely enough I feel very content lately with the way things are going. I am eating the right foods (for the most part), planning some of my meals, tracking well, diligently exercising at least 3x a week, and I am losing fairly consistently.
Last night I lost 1.2 lbs bringing me below where I was two weeks ago to 191.2. How cool is that. I not only lost that 1 lb from last week, but I succeeded it by the extra 2/10th of a lb. And now that I"m back to my Monday WI schedule, I can get back into my routine.
Last night I struggled to convince myself to go out for my C25k run, but I did and I felt so strong! I was still out of breath and I had a bit of a stitch in my side, but I wasn't completely dead by the last interval and pushed myself a little farther than I had. Running is actually getting easier! So I have one more level one run on Wednesday and then Saturday I go up to level 2.
So with all this, I continue to move forward. I think next week is going to be a little rough getting through leading up to our fundraiser, but as long as I don't slack in these good habits, I will be fine.
Until next time
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